Do you ever have trouble bonding/caring?

[Helix]

My last group of kids adored me and learned so much. They still send me thank you notes and email me, run up to me and engulf me in bear hugs, and beg me to come back and tell me how much they miss me. I had such a great time teaching them, it was unbelievable.

This group of kids I have this year at the new school are 14/15 and 17/18...I've tried opening up to them, but I just can't. They're spoiled, hateful, and one outright called me fat and ugly (he's 18 and a varsity football player...he knew what he was saying). They hiss at me, give me attitude, refuse to pay attention, then when they flunk for not doing their work and getting horrible grades, they start loudly telling me "they're going to complain to the principal" or "i'm going to my guidance counselor so I can have the other teacher" or "why don't you just go find another job that you can actually do."

I often go home severely depressed. Last night I sat home alone and downed an entire bottle of wine by myself, which is something I've never done before, as I normally don't drink.

I need to whip these classes into shape and restore some respect before I completely lose my own respect, pack my things, and leave this town altogether. However, I know you're supposed to be all caring and patient and accepting of these kids and "give them care so they can care about themselves" and all that other inspirational stuff. I don't see how that can even pan out in my classes anymore. It's 9 weeks into the semester and I'm just seeing it all go to hell in a handbasket, to be totally honest. I've got my kids that I can actually tolerate that are doing well, and then I have the ones everyone calls "trash" -- the ones that consider "being a stripper" a career, don't care about getting 20's on a test, and do everything possible to make my life a living hell.

What's a fairly new teacher to do?

[Brit]

"what's a fairly new teacher to do?"

drink. hard liquor. Lots of it.

then don't take it personally. If there's ever a gem of wisdom in what they say that can help you, take it and improve. If not, see it for what it is: hateful abuse. And treat it as such. You have the right not to be abused by your students verbally. Write 'em up if they're inapropriate. Kick 'em all the way to admin if you have to (with strong written supporting evidence). go on the offensive -- nail the perpetraitors and nail 'em good.

your students are old enough to know what's expected. I teach little ones and am all for sympathy and respect, but with the big guys, if you ask me, they're just asking for it. as for the kid that considers "being a stripper" a career -- I'd take her dead seriously and boot her off to the consellor. Then we'll see if she's joking or needs real help with esteem issues.

you're not perfect. None of us is perfect. but you're doin' your best. We don't point out how imperfect our students are to them, we don't call them names or tell them to drop out because they ain't doing their job as a student right. they should not be insulting us.

If it helps you sleep at night, here's what I would do: I'd say all the nasty little comebacks that come to me...in my head, just to myself...and smile. Of course, I'd deal with the comments appropriately out loud, but in my head, I'd be happily ripping a strip off them.

for example, to "you should quit and get a job you can actually do", in my head, I'd respond "aren't you afraid I'll take your career at McDonalds? Then what would you do?" to "I'm going' to the principal to complain" I'd say (in my head) "hey, if you think you can do it in complete sentences, I might actually give you credit for it!" and to "I'm going to the counsellor to get another teacher" I'd say (in my head) "gee, are you sure anyone else wants you?"

I know, I'm snarky. but only in my head. I'd never say it out loud. but I'd smile, and they'd wonder why the H*** I was smiling.

Oh, and if they're earning a flunk, I'd flunk them. Cause I'm just mean that way, that's why. Plus, you'll have their course work to back you up. Who's gonna say boo to you for flunking a kid who has earned it?

[seastarmath]

Hang in there. You have the kids who have learned to whine their way out of doing work. You expect them to work and they don't like it. Its not that they don't like YOU: its the WORK they hate.

That said, it is still hard to take abuse day after day. We are only human. And we all have years where its our turn to take that group of kids. This will pass. Just hold firm and be the rock that blocks the way to the wrong path. And realize that you cannot work miracles.

I had that group last year. I felt really bad about myself. This year, the seventh grade teacher has them, and now SHE feels bad about HERSELF. (I have to admit that I like to hear her complain about the kids because it lets me know I did all I could and sometimes, it really IS the fault of the kids and the parents who allow them to duck the consequences of bad choices.) Seek out the teacher who survived them last year IF she was a good teacher who cared. It might help you realize that there are some kids you just can't reach. It doesn't mean we don't try everything we can, but there are other forces besides us at work in these kids' lives. Society expects us to work miracles, but just because they expect it doesn't mean it is possible. Just keep those standards high and see a doctor about ways to deal with the anxiety this causes.
I've read your posts on this forum and I know you are a teacher who really cares. That is why this is hitting you so hard. Makes you wish you could turn that off, but then you wouldn't be you. Think of a roller coaster: Last year, you were at the top of the ride: This year, you are taking that plunge, but eventually, the track goes up to a high point again.
I will be thinking of you because I know the pain you are going through. My prayers will be for you.

[Ima Teacher]

Each group of children has their own dynamics . . . and some you'll like more than others.

When I'm on school time, I have to like them.

Whether they like me really isn't the issue. Whether they do or not, we all have a job to do and everybody has a part in seeing that it gets done.

Perhaps you need to stop thinking about it in terms of whether they "like" or "dislike" you, and deal with the job at hand. Make sure that you keep a consistent routine--work and discipline--and also make sure that your expectations are clear. Even though they are older students, don't automatically assume that they know how you want them to behave.

I work with mostly 12 year olds. I have to explain every little thing, and more than once. You'd assume that they'd know not to talk during instructional time, but they don't seem to do that without some instruction in that area.

I'm in love with Randy Sprick's CHAMPs program. It makes my classroom run a lot smoother, and it takes the guesswork out of the classroom roles.

And with my kiddos, we also have to work on "just because it forms in your head, doesn't mean it has to come out of your mouth". :-)

Sometimes it's hard not to take things personally, but I try. Earlier this year I picked up a paper that fell from a student's book when she came to ask me to go to the library. The paper had "your a big fat b*tch mrs. X" on it. Well, of course I would really like it if students all loved me and did everything I wanted them to do, but they don't. Now, if I look at it from her perspective, she's right . . . I'm overweight by any standard, and I had found it necessary to correct her behaviors frequently for several days before the note, hence the b*tch part. I was rather upset that she used the incorrect "your" in that case. LOL No, I'd perfer not to know that she thought that of me, but she's 12 years old and full of hormones. She'll probably love me tomorrow. If not, that's OK, too. She still has to live by my rules in my classroom.

[ColleenThomas]

I have been where you are. My first year teaching I came half way through...and the teacher I replaced ruled with an iron fist...then came me! I thought if I treated them with respect, I would get it back...nope!

I seriously questioned why I would ever want to be a teacher (and this was my second career...no way my husband was going to let me go back to school so soon!).

I cried....alot.

I talked to other teachers....alot.

I felt sorry for myself....alot.

I could barely function by the time I got home to my husband and kids. I didn't think I could keep it up.

The next year, a few of my "former" students were visiting me in my class, and one said "Hey Ms.B, remember the time Abby made you cry in class?". Yes, I did remember. They talked about how bad they felt that I was so hurt. They felt bad, and I had no idea. I thought I was such a pathetic teacher. Those kids visited me any time my door was open. Even Abby. She actually came to me when someting horrible happened to her to cry on my shoulder.

Keep your chin up. Keep respecting them, and yourself. That doesn't mean to take abuse. Report any behaviours to Admin. You have to take care not to let the other students think it is ok to abuse you.

It is even ok if you loose it sometime...I cried in class, and it can't get much worse than that!


Take care of you....and the rest will be ok....

[teacher5]

It sounds like an urban jungle! I hope not. It's not your job to make them like you. Your job is to educate them. There must be a set of classroom rules that are clearly established and consequences that can be enforced, too. I am sure there is a set of school rules and consequences, too. You need to apply these consistently to everyone. You need to call parents when you have clear documentation of failure to... or inappropriate behavior. I would even have the student standing right there when the call is made so the student can get on the phone, too. Calling a parent/guardian at work and interrupting their time tends to be quite effctive. Don't hang up until a plan is established on how the work will get done and/or the behavior will change. If the student refuses to talk, make that known, too. Tell the parent you invited them to participate in this conversation and they flat out refused. You may want to make the call with the guidance counselor or other school authority present, too. That will cover you. Good luck!

[Helix]

I do want to set one thing straight -- I don't consider this a popularity contest. However, I DO very easily pick up on other people's vibes, whether clearly stated or well-cloaked. I have tons of stuff planned each day...most of the time, I am lucky to accomplish 50% of it. Most of their animosity comes after test-taking. This makes me think that they are trying to find a scapegoat for their lack of responsibility in preparing for the task at hand. Whether I want to or not, it can, and will, affect me to some level. It usually rears its ugly head in the form of my frustration. I feel ineffective and incompetent when it hits. That's about it.

Let's face it too...athletes play better when they're in the home court than being away. Politicians debate and speak better when they're with people that enjoy their company and support their cause, than booing over them. A classroom that is on the same page as me is a lot easier to work with than kids that act like hissing animals. That is to the extent of why I want them to "like" being in my classroom. :)