how to say no?

[Brit]

I've been given a LOT of graet ideas and "stuff" from more experienced teachers in the last little while. I think it's great. I think THEY'RE great. But there's only so much I'm willing to modify my plans to work in new stuff this year. And some of the stuff is just busywork that I don't need/would never use. Often, it costs teh teachers something to make me a copy or lend me their resource (I am not good at returning stuff).

So here's the question: how do I say no without sounding uppity or too cocky? I really want their help, but sometimes, I just really don`t want the resource, or I don`t know where I`d work it into the program I`ve built.

question 2: where is the balance between "yes, tell me, gimme, teach me" and "I'm a retard who doesn't know how to do my job" for a young teacher?

I'm eager to learn everything I can from others, but I feel like I'm coming across as incompetent because I'm taking everything they give me and using it (it's good stuff!), so it looks like I don't have any program of my own, AND they feel the need to explain baisc concepts like what a guided reading group is when I ask a question like how they logistically run their groups. I GET how to do all this, but I'm interested in how others do it, and in what they do I can do to improve my practice.

I'm just afraid of coming off as unable to work on my own at all. I need to make a good impression, because the impressions I make, especially on admin. are what get me a job for next fall (I have pretty much 0 job security past May).

[mrs_scissors]

Just thank them for the advice.
I mean, it is just advice after all, it's up to you if you choose to use it.
When it comes to the "advice givers" lending out or copying resources for you, just thank them for offering, and say you'll get back to them if or when you need it. Exuding confidence is the best way to avoid the advice hounds and impress admin.
That's my advice, and you may take it or leave it :o)

[sarypotter]

I have been feeling this way lately, too. I've had two people in the past week tell me that they find that positive reinforcement works much better than punishment. I agree. My entire philosophy of education is built on motivation and positive reinforcement procedures. That's why I spent the first two weeks of school doing reinforcer inventories to develop a solid foundation of reinforcing items and activities to motivate my students. That's why my students work on token systems to earn individualized priveleges and prizes. That's why much of my time is spent wearing neon cowboy hats because this is the biggest reinforcer for one kid -- to see the teacher in a neon cowboy hat. It worries me a little that I've gotten this feedback twice. Does my program not LOOK like it's based on positive reinforcement?

I know that people are trying to be helpful and I REALLY appreciate it. Nine times out of ten, if someone tells me something, I either didn't know it or had forgotten it, and a lot of these "somethings" are useful in my classroom. I don't want to discourage people from giving me advice. It does concern me, though, that a lot of times I seem to get advice before the other person has had a chance to watch my plan in action. Sometimes the advice is based on "concerns a new-ish teacher must have" rather than "concerns you clearly have."

I don't take it personally anymore when I get advice I don't need, though, because I appreciate all the advice I get that I DO need.

Sometimes I wonder if we ever make our kids feel this way. Like when I remind them of something and I get that LOOK that says, "Uh ... yeah, Miss Sarypotter, we KNOW because you've TOLD us 30 times!"

[teacher5]

:waving: Dear Brit, this is a very positive sign that you are feeling more confident that you think you can work out your own organizational plans, classroom management, and curriculum concerns more independently. BRAVO! When others come to offer help thank them and tell them you think you have a good working in plan in progress, and if you don't mind you would love to get back to them if you run into a snag or two. You sound like the independent type who likes to learn on her own and there is nothing wrong with that, but don't cut off your support systems, fellow colleagues. The big thing you will want to remember and check with them on is don't do anything without "creative clearance!" This means make sure you are allowed to teach it or do it with a group of students before you do it. I found it takes about three years to really learn and refine the curriculum at a grade level. Hopefully, you get to stay in the same place for that period of time. Good luck!

[Brit]

teacher5,

you sound like you know me -- good call on "creative clearance". I'm a very out-of-the-box sort of person, and I keep having to remind myself to rein it in before I run off with one of my crazy ideas half-cocked.

I truely hope I get to stay in the same place for 3 years. Somehow, I doubt it, at this point in my career, but someday, eh? I think 3 years sounds about right for understanding and refining curriculum. i'm in my second year with grade 2 langague, and i'm still cobbling things together from many different sources, but it's starting to take a bit more of a unified shape.

I guess the real problem is still feeling obligated to take everything from everyone and use it. I'm learning that less is more...so I want to try to do LESS stuff and do it well...and yet I keep being given MORE stuff. I just have to start saying "thanks, I'll get back to you" I guess.

[Spectre]

To your own self be true. Enough said.

[dsmms]

I take everything anybody gives, and I feel no obligation to use it. It is nice to have a variety of things you can use if you need it, but not everybody teaches the same and not all children learn the same way. You may find that next years class may respond to a different approach. Nothing is concrete. Even if you are in love with what you have now, the next group of students may not respond to it....which leaves you scrambling for different ways to teach it. I would just say to come up with a really good filing system and save them for when or if you need them. People (teachers) like to help. Don't think that they are assuming you are incompetant. I am fairly new, but have found that some of the more experienced teachers like some of the things I do. So I share. I always tell them to use it if they want to, tweak it to suit their teaching stlye or toss it. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I think an exchange of ideas is a good thing. That is why I like this forum so much!:)

[seastarmath]

I think I would take anything anyone offered me to KEEP, scan it and file in so I have it just in case. Borrowed resources: I would admit I feel uncomfortable borrowing things at the moment because " I just can't handle one more thing to keep track of right now and I would hate to lose it on you."

Sharing resources is a really touchy issue. I think most people get really excited when they find something that works and just want to share it. Some people never want to share because they are competitive and don't want anyone else "stealing their thunder." I have noticed that in my vulnerable moments, I take someone's offer to share with me to mean that I am somehow lacking or need help in an area. So sometimes I hold off sharing for fear I make another person suffer those same feelings. (The other person is innocently just sharing. But when you are having down day, you see things weirdly.)

I work with two other math teachers in our sixth grade. We meet a few times a week to share what we are doing. We don't offer resources to each other, but we don't refuse a request to share. I think we came to that understanding through mental telepathy. This quandary is kind of hard to explain.

I am one of the "old" teachers. I just LOVE it when a young, new teacher is willing to share their ideas with me. When someone offers you a resource, offer one of your own. It lets people know you are a team player. You will not look like a person who needs help when you accept the resources of others, but like a give and take person. Know what I mean?
But understand that there ARE those few who are willing to share, but NOT willing to take. Its an ego thing. They are too perfect to adopt another's ideas. Again, if you've been there, you know what I mean. If not, maybe someone else can help me explain this?

[Brit]

SeaStarMath, I get it totally. I work really well with one of the other teachers who likes to give but not take. i'm cool with that. In fact, I'm always happier NOT to give myself, because I'm afraid that the more experienced teachers will find something wrong with what I'm offering (insecure much?!).

I'm currently working with two different teams -- grade 1 team and grade 2 team, and they have different styles, but both are very much set into their plan of what they're doing. I'm really relying heavily on what the grade 1 team has laid out, partly because I've never taught grade 1 before and partly because they know EXACTLY what they're doing and when, and it ain't gonna change, so I figure I may as well go along. I feel stupid not being able to offer anything to the team!

I'm finding that some of their stuff isn't my style -- lots of photocopier cut and paste -- and that I want to reject it 1. because it's time-consuming 2. because it's costly in terms of our photocopy budget and 3. because it's not my style. HOWEVER, I feel like I'm the junior, and that I should at least try it. I'm trying it this year and will modify next year if I'm in grade 1 again. Just part of my learning curve, I guess.

I think, too, that I want to reject things I don't fully understand the purpose of (which is a lot right now), and that I rely on others' systems and opinions a lot...my sequencing with my grade 2's went out the window when I adpoted a retell system that my neighboring teacher swears by. Well, baby with the bathwater. I wish I'd not thrown out sequencing, because my initial data showed that some of the kids needed to work on it. her system includes it, but in a different order. I REALLY like her order, but it was't in my head when I did my long range plans.

Meh. Thanks for letting me vent.