Parent Proof Shield???

[Franklinspecs]

It is commonly known that educators need or possess a thick skin when it comes to criticism. We are bombarded by expectations from administration, parents, laws, etc. But are there any limits? I am currently dealing with a parent, whom at the slightest utterance of my name will fill any open ear with tails of my perceived imperfections related to the strength of my curriculum, classroom practices etc. Most of the time I am made aware of such instances through the concerns of my students and their parents. I have, in each case documented the "hearsay" with the administration while at the same time voicing my frustration of the situation. Without going into lengthy explanation of curriculum, practices, etc. rest assured there is no basis for these claims.
So what is a teacher to do? I have invited the parent in, we have talked, but they still seem content to create waves which negatively impact my image. I am not getting much help from the administration other than reassuring me that this parent is wrong. Am I supposed to just turn the other cheek when some of the comments made about me border on slander? I would hate to take legal action even if there was a basis... Any thoughts?

[mercygate]

It is commonly known that educators need or possess a thick skin when it comes to criticism. We are bombarded by expectations from administration, parents, laws, etc. But are there any limits? I am currently dealing with a parent, whom at the slightest utterance of my name will fill any open ear with tails of my perceived imperfections related to the strength of my curriculum, classroom practices etc. Most of the time I am made aware of such instances through the concerns of my students and their parents. I have, in each case documented the "hearsay" with the administration while at the same time voicing my frustration of the situation. Without going into lengthy explanation of curriculum, practices, etc. rest assured there is no basis for these claims.
So what is a teacher to do? I have invited the parent in, we have talked, but they still seem content to create waves which negatively impact my image. I am not getting much help from the administration other than reassuring me that this parent is wrong. Am I supposed to just turn the other cheek when some of the comments made about me border on slander? I would hate to take legal action even if there was a basis... Any thoughts?
How long has this parent been involved with your school?

If this family has a child or children who have been around a while, then if the behavior is irrational, everybody knows it and you really have no problem at all, except with that person. Do eyeballs roll when that name is mentioned?

[Boxcar]

I don't think there is anything you can do about it. Just try and remember: one bad parent doesn't mean the rest are bad. You've got many voices saying good things. It is just that one person who squawks the loudest that you heard about. Once this person and her child(ren) pass through the school, she'll move onto someone new. The other parents who had postive experiences will talk you up. You might not hear about it, but it does go on. Maybe the reason you hear about the negative so much is because people are surprised by it. They question becuase they didn't expect to hear those things about a nice teacher like you.

[seastarmath]

I had a similar situation last year. I came to the conclusion that some people just enjoy making life miserable for others. There is nothing you can do. I think in order to feel good about themselves, they need to bring someone else down. Sometimes, it gives them the illusion of control: they cannot control their children, so they try to exercise control over people who CAN control their children. But knowing the person is a nut case STILL doesn't help relieve the stress and anxiety they cause you. All you can do is pretend it doesn't affect you so their "habit" isn't fed.
I wonder how hard it would be to file a lawsuit against a parent-or a student-- for slander. I think you might have to prove that what they said did damage your professional standing. But so many people think teachers are "fair game" when it comes to scapegoating. I wish people realized teachers are people too and that we do have legal rights.

In my opinion, the fact that you are getting hearsay means that other parents and students think the person spewing is bonkers. They wouldn't mention it to you if they agreed. Mean spirited, disagreeable people like that give out a vibe that others pick up on. It is no fun at all having such an awful person in your life. I wish I could say something that would make it easier. It is never easy to deal with people like that. You know they are unbalanced and others realize it, but it still is frustrating. I CAN tell you, though, that you will feel really great next year when you see this person's child and know that YOU don't have to deal with that parent anymore. It's like having a great weight lifted off your shoulders and you feel really good.

I wonder if people who abuse teachers realize that other people don't think the abuser is a wonderful person: most people think they are total jerks. And by being such a jerk, they are doing their child a huge disservice. Nobody will look forward to having their children in their classroom.

[MissTeach]

We all encounter one or more of those parents during our career. We just have to keep on teaching the way we know is best and try to ignore that person. It makes us mad, but rest assured, it eventually goes away.

[Franklinspecs]

I greatly appreciate everyone's candor. Unfortunately this parent has a few children in the school that have several years left to complete. I have never had a problem with these students, they are very respectful and well -behaved.
This brings to mind another issue with this parent. In the past there have been teachers and administrators who have eased on discipline and grades for fear of having said parent in their room/office screaming at them with a "how dare you" attitude
Although the majority of parents accept and respect school policy, their seems to be a growing minority of parents who possess this unhealthy power stemming from the fear they create among teachers and administrators, which goes far beyond simply holding us accountable. I have held my ground, which is probably why I am to target of this parent's aggression. Does anyone notice this at their schools? Are there any examples of a school wide policy, which endeavors to better define the roles of school/parent and what is deemed acceptable behavior??

[Just ducky]

I think you have summed up a major problem in schools. Most of us do not like conflict, but we must deal with it. Some do that by changing. Others of us are less pliable and stick to our guns, so to speak.

Last year was one of the ones I dreaded the most. I had more parents with "reputations" than I would have ever have imagined. I decided that I could either be miserable or "kill them" with kindness. The one with the "worst" reputation, I called before school started and gave her the opportunity to come in before school to meet with me and to allow the child to meet with me and talk about expectations. One of the others, I just made sure that I sent lots of notes home focusing on the good and the bad. She never knew which to expect.

One of them even came to me at the end of the year and told me that she had been told that her daughter should not be in my class. She was special needs and I would not give in to all of her outbursts. She shared all that she had heard (similar to what the parent is saying about you) and then told me that she was so shocked to now be able to honestly tell everyone that they were wrong----I was the best teacher her daughter had ever had. This special needs child had finally had the lines drawn and was making huge gains.....both academically and socially.

This may not always work, but it ALWAYS my goal. I am one of the most stubborn people I know and if it is good for the children in my room I will stay that way. My favorite phrase with the challenging children in my room goes something like this.....There are may battles in a war and they are not pleasant, but once that war is over (and I will win) the world is almost always a better place.

[lady of words]

Is there any way this parent's child can be removed from your class? I hope you are documenting everything that is said and heard. Do you belong to a union? Perhaps your rep can offer some advice. Watch out.

[seastarmath]

There are may battles in a war and they are not pleasant, but once that war is over (and I will win) the world is almost always a better place.

I like that quote!:)

[kmurphey]

Some people are just miserable in their own lives and project that misery onto any other people they can impact. If you feel that you have done all that you reasonably can to win this parent over and nothing has changed, I suggest keeping the situation in perspective and doing your job in a manner that gets results.