Communicating with families

[troubledteacher]

Hi,

Please help. This is my first year out, and I love teaching my 3-4 year olds. I work in Asia, at an International school. I have a child whose mum is diagnosed with cancer and hospitalised. My child is fine coming to school, but is restless and unsettled when it comes to following routines or group time. I can't imagine how hard it is for him. When it comes to going home, he starts to cry and refuses to get into the car.
I try to comment on the good things he does in class. How do I open up the communication barrier? I don't want to intrude and makes things harder by asking too many questions, but I do care about him a lot, and it breaks my heart to see him crying when he has to go home. I know it breaks his family's heart especially to see him crying when it is pick up time. What can I do, and how can I build a caring and trusting relationship with not only my student but with the family and parents?

[Boxcar]

This is a hard situation.

I've seen many teachers use communication notebooks. This is a book that goes to school and home with the child. Concerns are addressed, and quesitons are asked. E-mails, phone calls, and conferences are all other common ways to communicate.

What to say? There are no perfect words. I'd start the fist communciation in a verbal and face-to-face meeting with the child's primary caregiver. Have that person bring someone else along for moral support. Have another person with you as well. In my case, that would be the director of the center.

Start by saying something like "___ is pleasure to have in class. He shares well and loves to sing the songs at Circle." (Again, I'm with preschoolers.) Whatever you chose to say should be postive and honest.

Next, say "Have you noticed ___ exhibiting any behaviors that concern you?" Listen to responses actively.

Now, say "I've noticed that ___ does ___ and ___. I feel that together we can come up with som ways to help him feel more comfortable." You should have prepare suggestions for solutions, but it is also important to consider the family's as well.

I'd have a resource packet ready for the family. These are folders that can be given to the children's guardians when the child is facing a challenging situation, such as divorce, a new sibling, illness in the family, a move, ect.

Inside the packet should be a list of child and family support groups, websites, and services. Each one should have a direct and simple explanation with it. If you have books or stories about hte topic, include those. Child life has some good activities to explain different illnesses. I'd make an effort to research those.

Don't stuff too much into the folder at once. Include the items that you feel will be most effective and helpful. Give the family this envelope.

Recognize that no magic conclusion will come out of this meeting. It is okay to end with "I'm glad we discussed these issues. We have opened the lines of communication. Please continue to let me know how best to support you and ___. We can continue to think about ways to help ___."

Remember the family is going through a great deal as well. They need just as much support as the child. Be aware that this means meeting will need to be short, child care will need to be provided, and discussions have to be scheduled.

Make sure to ask what is the best way to communicate with the family.

I hope some of this helps. Because every family is different, it is hard to make specific suggestions.

One more thing, it is okay to admit that you are unsure what to say. Be direct in saying "I do not have experience with this, but I would like to help. Please tell me what you need."

Oh, this too. The child may come to you and say things like "My mom is in the hospital.", "Mom is sick.", or "I don't have cancer.". The child needs you to say that he is right. He is looking for confermation that he understands these things. At least, he is if he is around preschool age.