Mildly devastated, and wondering what to do next

[Helix]

This is a long post so please forgive me, but I need help here.

I found a teaching job I adored, and I was hired as a second teacher to a group of kids age 13 - 18. My students adore me, and their parents THANK ME when they see me for bringing the curriculum to life to their kids who formerly hated the subject. I am thrilled with that. My coworkers are awesome, and I was having an awesome time there.

Here's where everything's gone sour.

The administration WORSHIPS the first teacher despite her lack of certification. She has never even been observed by a mentor or a state official. They gave her the two projects/clubs I was promised when I started working there, call her "THE science teacher" and its "HER room" and "HER office," and tell the kids to "Thank HER" and not ME for everything, even though most of the time the ideas were mine and she just took them for herself.

Additionally, she hasn't been teaching any longer than I have, and they're already cooing about her job prospects for next term with them...

As to the administration, I am treated like a Class-A idiot even though I have enough college experience to teach across four different subjects, have my ethnic background and place of origin in the US stereotyped and belittled, and I was just told the other day -- "We never said we would hire you full time beyond this semester, didn't you see your contract?" (I never received my contract, even though I repeatedly asked for it.)

I actually got a ZERO the other day on my review -- why? Because "the kids were too engaged and asking too many questions." Isn't that supposed to be a teacher's DREAM? In science, isn't the essence of teaching it the concept of "inquiry?"

I've been observed by out-of-school state officials, and have done practice teaches for my certification courses. From them, I have gotten glowing reviews about how wonderful I can teach, considering my lack of long-term experience. Unfortunately, those glowing reviews were totally blown off by my school's administration, as one of my eavesdropping coworkers told me later on.

Quite frankly, I've been laying in bed at night asking myself what the heck is wrong with me that they love this woman to death despite her lack of qualifications and lack of passion for the material, and what I possibly DID to make these people hate me? I have been nothing but sweet, quiet, polite to my peers and superiors and adore my kids to death.

My students have even said to me, "You look sad sometimes, and we know why. They treat you like you're not even a teacher, and it upsets us."

Is it a case of "popular teacher syndrome," where the really liked one often just gets chucked? I feel deeply shamed and hurt that I am considered "not good enough" even though I love what I am doing and what I am teaching. I show appropriate respect to everyone, and now it looks like I need to find another job. I will find one if I have to, but I was just so unbelievably happy at this place with my awesome students and their supportive parents.

I've been told by people I know in the small towns surrounding the city that they'll get me placed in their towns if I'm willing to come there, but I still feel extremely shaken up. I keep to myself, don't flaunt myself, and try to fit in...there's nothing more I can do. I look as I do, I have the brain that God gave me, and I look young -- everyone in my family ages extremely slowly.

I'm heartbroken...any advice? Has anyone else had a similar experience?

[smithmt]

Fist off, please note that I am a male... so you may not agree with everything I've written.
Secondly, I feel a long post requires a long-ish reply:
You have just told my story up to the point of everything going wrong. I REALLY hate to say this, but I do think it's because you are single. The only thing that most of these small town people can think is that you are not married because either you are A) lesbian B) an overly liberal feminist (which by the way, some people where I live have told me that's why America is in the state it is) or C) both.
They can't see that most of society actually hold off marriage untill mid-late twenties and not uncommon into their 30s. Nor will they note the 40-some-odd percent divorce rate with younger couples nor the difficulty people have in collage with finding the "right one." We have a science teacher here who teaches by worksheet. this is a high school... we don't do one lab, we don't do any lectures... "Here's the book, here's your work... get started" It's almost like that scene in "Teachers" that Nick Nolte movie where the old teacher had his routine so ingrained into the kids that they don't notice he is dead for two whole days.
this lady gets praised by our principal (who, by the way has yet to be in my room, but I have a copy of my observation) but she sucks as a teacher. I suggest you take your talent where it is wanted. You might also check with legal representation as to what your state's laws are about getting a copy of the contract. I know in Texas it was my right to have one. Have you tried writing a letter requesting the copy? If you have, I would document that and see a lawyer, see what your options are. obviously, don't do it through school email, or phone, but definitely consider it. and depending on your state, you may have certain rights.
You know, the worst part is what happens to the students? under NCLB, that lady should not be in a classroom unless she had in the life experience. Even if she were (pardon the gendered expression) "grandfathered in," she still needs to become certified by a certain amount of time, and that may be a more serious matter for your state education board. You may be the only person who can stand up for those kids and be a voice... the rub is that you will certainly not have a job again in the area you currently live because you will be a trouble maker.
I'm sorry, but you're in a Catch 22.
I'll keep you in my prayers
-Matt

[jsfowler]

It sounds like they are the ones with the problem. Take your friends up on their offer and find somewhere else to go.


Being pretty and looking young should not be a problem. I am 29 and still get carded every where I go. When visitors come into my classroom they often have a hard time picking me out if I am mixing in among the students. In my district, they look for single and childless because they have more time for school. My advise - get out before they have a chance to give you a bad report that will follow you. Find somewhere else and quit before you get fired.

[Helix]

Thanks for the responses. I think future posters will be confused by your responses with the "single" and "pretty" and "out of towner" bits but I narrowed it because I felt like I was being nasty and whiny, when I'm really not. Matt...what you said was exactly how I've felt all along...

But yes, when I sit at the lunch table, and everyone blows off something interesting I say to discuss poopies and teetees and pregnancy, I feel extremely out of place. So, I get up and leave. I respect their right to be married and have babies, and I think its awesome, but I am not going to rush into that with my fairly recent relationship to just "fit in" with the administration.

But I must say, I really appreciate the fact people have validated my feelings that I've had so far.

I actually really love my coworker who gets all the attention and favoritism, too, so I don't want to feel like I'm attacking her as a person. She's lovely as a person...it's just I feel terrible how there's a massive rift the administration places between us.

I guess I'll start asking around... :(

[smithmt]

OK, more thoughts... Being the newbie sucks, and truth be told, if she's a nice lady thats great, but until your administration changes, you will be in the same place that you are: and if your small town is like my small town, that means that you will wait until someone dies before things will change. Even after you get married, it won't necessarily change current feelings, because of their current impression. The one thing that I have found after moving across the country is that working for a great administration with less-than-stellar, or even rough students is far preferable to working for a horrible administration with great students.
I wish you luck in job hunting.
-Matt

[Aziz]

I'm confused how we got from "they treat me like a class-A idiot" to "because you are single." Am I missing something? I want to understand fully before I give any advice.

-Aziz

[Chef Dave]

When I first applied for a job as a chef instructor, the CTE director of the first school I interviewed with wanted to hire me. The problem was that the building administrator liked another applicant. The other applicant had no kitchen experience. All of her experience was front of the house i.e. wait staff and hostess ... but the building administrator liked her and the CTE director liked me and when it came time to make a decision, they found themselves at an impassse.

While they were trying to figure out what to do, I got a job with another school district.

The other school wound up hiring the woman that the building administrator like and guess what happened. DISASTER. As I said, the woman had no kitchen experience and no culinary arts background. She has failed miserably.

The CTE director has been singing, "I told you so" to the building administrator.

What does this have to do with you?

I think you should leave.

You can't force people to like you ... and if you leave, you'll show the other teacher up because all of the sudden, lessons will start falling through. People will eventually realize that you were the guiding force behind your program and at some point, someone may do an "I told you so" with the building administration.

You should also understand that some teachers are simply not a good fit for some schools. I do not believe that any teacher with the appropriate training/certification can be plugged into any job vacancy as if he/she were a cog in the mighty district machine.

Sometimes teachers are round pegs trying to be squeezed by their building administrators into square holes.

I think you need to move on and to find a school that will appreciate you for the teacher and person you are.

And truly - if you move on and the other teacher falls flat on her face next year, at some point the administration may realize that they may have made a horrible mistake. If this helps them learn and grow and progress as administrators, great ... and if not ... tough panookies to them, because you will hopefully have found a better job!

Best wishes!

David

[Helix]

I'm confused how we got from "they treat me like a class-A idiot" to "because you are single." Am I missing something? I want to understand fully before I give any advice.

-Aziz


Oh I took out a bit because it was extremely verbose.

They make sing-songy comments about "How I can possibly never understand children because I've never had my own." Strangely these "children" and I understand each other just fine.

But on a whole other note, I am treated like an incompetent child. I am actually very mature and intelligent (at least thats what other people tell me, haha ;) ) so it hurts a lot. I just feel my singleness and childlessness surrounded by a total staff of married staff with kids in a conservative town makes me feel singled out, as if I am less valuable as a person. I know there are jobs around here that I won't feel that way, I suppose.

They also talk slow to me and treat me like I have no understanding of culture, world politics, etc. They take decisions straight over my head, exclude me, and only will speak to my coworker about curriculum decisions. If I question or politely confront their rationale, they'll compliment me, pat me on the head (yes, LITERALLY), and then brush me off.

Perhaps I'm just a pushover? :( I lack assertion? I'm totally confused with myself.

[busbus]

Helix,

If I were you, I would not allow that administrator to cause me anymore grief. While you are awake at night asking yourself "Why," in the light of day, nothing is going to change. You can't change these folks.

You seem like a confident person. Don't let others cause you to question yourself, your knowledge, your talents or your skills. You KNOW that you are not a CLASS A IDIOT. You KNOW that you are intelligent. So, continue doing your job to the best of your abilities and for the sake of your students. Don't worry about who gets the credit. It'll all come out in the wash when you leave.

Take your friends up on their offer. You do not need to be in a place that makes you feel inept.

Good luck to you.

busbus

[Boxcar]

I agree. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. This place just isn't a good fit for you.

On the note of not understanding kids because you never had any? Well, look at it this way. If you are either brave or smooth-talking, you can say it.

You spend at least eight hours a day with the children in class. Some parents only spend aroudn four hours a night with the kids before it is bedtime. So, does that comment really hold water now?

[Oak Tree]

People who have lived their whole lives in the same place and then catch an attitude with people who have actually seen something of the world are sad.

[Boxcar]

I just thought of something to say with the whole no-kids thing.

What would they say if you said you were thinking of becoming a Choice Mom? That might freak them out a bit...

[ChocolateNewOrleans]

this is simply a case of you (a square peg) trying to force yourself into a round whole. You are simply not what they are looking for, sorry, it happens. Switch to a school that you love just as much (they are out there) and that appreciates you as much as the first school appreciates the other teacher. This is petty jealousy at it's finest.

[MissTeach]

If you aren't happy where you are, start looking at other schools. Life is too short to stay some where that you don't feel wanted. If you are in a position where you can move, then go for it!

[OtterPopStar]

If I didn't have any specific ties to where you are, I would leave. If I received a negative evaluation and I thought it wasn't fair, I would not feel that I could stay there.

I do think it is odd that your students commented on your sadness and narrowed it down to the cause. That suggests to me that your school is either openly horrible to you (in which case you should certainly go, go, go) or that you are very close to your students, and sometimes people perceive teachers who are close to their students as unprofessional or immature. I am not saying that is the case with you. I am just saying how it could be perceived.

Other things to consider are these: it could be that the teacher has some strengths that you do not see. It is also possible that they are praising what she does so much and encouraging students to be positive about activities so that she will continue in that pattern.

We teach on teams, and one member of my team is a strict, unpleasant teacher. Whenever she does anything close to kind or fun, I tell my kids to talk it up and say - thanks, I loved that game. Is playing science jeopardy as fun as the stuff our mathematics teacher does? No, and I don't say - hey, tell the mathematics teacher that her activity was so fun. She knows they are fun and she knows the kids are into it, and she is always coming up with great ideas. It is the science teacher who doesn't understand kids, and the science teacher who needs the encouragement.

[Helix]

Well, I got a bit "dissed" the other day with a subtle comment made towards my heritage and place of origin, so...the writing is on the wall.

I also made my feelings clear with how I felt I was being treated (including confronting that thinly-veiled remark), and why, and to be honest they TOTALLY missed the point and started pointing fingers.

I'll be okay to be honest, I always am. Thanks for everyone's help.

[Helix]

BTW I really really felt I had to give an update...

The inevitable happened -- my coworkers were even stunned by it. The kids were devastated. The parents were outraged. But it happened...and it hurt so bad.

But there's been a tremendously shiny silver lining.

Another school district hired me, and they adore me. AND the money is a LOT better too. I am so excited! I'll soon have new coworkers and new students to dote on :) So this will be good :)

[Boxcar]

I'm so happy for you! Good luck! I hope things stay great for you! :) :) :)

[Clix]

YAY you! That's awesome!

[MissBittny]

I had the exact same thin happen just these last few months. I t happened to be my first year of teaching, so my confidences were especially ruined. One teacher said I was incompetent,shouldn't be giving advice to parents since I don't have any kids and basically am too young to be teaching. (I'm 23) I got demoted to TA and was not going to be given my teacher position back for the next year. I ended up quitting the company I loved working for and thought I'd be with for a very long time. (Actually my last day is tomorrow:) ) Now I am going to be a full time lead toddler teacher starting Monday in an awesome daycare. The pay isn't as good but I am so much happier and feel that I can actually be the teacher I know I am.

[Brit]

Helix,

Now that you have a job elsewhere, have you considered talking to a union rep about taking action against your former board for discrimination? It sounds like they really need a slap in the face to wake them up to how inappropriate their treatment of you was.

[legobedan]

Helix,

Now that you have a job elsewhere, have you considered talking to a union rep about taking action against your former board for discrimination? It sounds like they really need a slap in the face to wake them up to how inappropriate their treatment of you was.

this sounds like a fantastic idea, especially if you get a review from your current school that shows a marked difference from the ones you got at the least.