3 year old not engaging

[black cap]

Hey! I sought out a discussion board because I'm at a loss. This seems like a good list, and I hope you can help me out.

What I've got:

Just-turned 3 year old boy (brother to a 6 year old boy)
Knows his ABCs both rote and symbol association, ditto numbers
In a bi-lingual home, but only speaks English, little Mandarin at home
Highly intelligent/well educated parents that are very involved
NOT interested in potty training
good at taking naps
good at eating most times
I've known him and his parents since before he was even born, so he's very comfortable with me - and I don't see the below issues so much when we're on a social outing with just our families.

All in all seems normal except:

When in class, he cries when dropped off, cries when we go outside and he realizes he's not going home, cries randomly it seems sometimes. I can often tell he's going to get upset because I can here him smacking his lips/sucking his fingers.

He doesn't engage at all with the other kids. He talks like he is, and he tells his parents that he loves school and loves his friends - can name them all, but doesn't play with them. It's not like he's even doing parallel play really (like 2 year olds do), it's more like he's in his own world, playing in his head and talking to himself.

I get the kids to ask him to play, and I ask him to play, and I get down and of course try to engage them all in stories, finger songs, blocks, trains, painting, themed projects, etc., but he's often just staring off, redirection seems worthless. During story time, he's not at all in the same world.

I'm actually researching ASD and Asperger's, etc. right now to see if I can find something - anything. I really need a veteran teacher - I'm too green to make a judgement. He picks up association and rote memorization very easily - but doesn't expand very easily like my other 3.5 year olds do. That's fine, I get it, but added up with everything else....I'm at a loss. He's 1/2 happy, 1/2 super sad, but tells his parents he's great....makes me want to end it all when he cries it's so sad.

ok. hopefully that was clear enough. seems incapable of engaging/ co-play. Even when his older brother drops by, I notice it's not really co-play.

TIA.
Becky
Black Cap LLC

PS, parents admit he is 'emotional' and does this with other people he's known for a long time, they know about this, but shrug it off as a stage because his brother did it too when in preschool. am I paranoid or could there be something neurologically off? how do I get him to engage?

THANKS!

[Teach4Kids]

How long has he been in your program?

Some times it takes children longer than others to warm into the environment. Some children need time to just observe and soak in everything around them, especially if it is a child’s first experience in a large group of children. Just keep on playing with him and showing him how to enter a group of children to play with. Keep on parallel playing with him also until he is sure of himself on how to use all the areas in your classroom.

One time I had a girl in my class and she would never join the group. She always watched from a distance, no matter what was going on. She did this for about 3 months or longer. I told my assistant one day that we are not getting any where with her. Than about two weeks later my assistant said “You have got to hear this.” I went into the bathroom area were she was at with no other children just her and my assistant and she was sitting there singing all the songs she had heard over the months from a distance. They are learning sometimes they are ready when they are ready. :)

[black cap]

oh, thanks. I really needed to hear that. I know he's learning...his mom says he's got "D for Davey!" down, and other things are repeated at home. He's been with me a month, 2 days a week - so, today was day #10. He did better this afternoon - I just need to know that it's ok that he's emotional and reluctant. I talked more with his dad tonight - I try so hard with him. I've tried backing off, but I think it actually gets worse, so I just keep saying his name and trying to engage him. wish me luck!

[Teach4Kids]

It sounds like you are doing all the right things.

Keep on talking and engaging him in all the classroom activities. He will become more and more comfortable every day and then he will make his own friends.
Keep up the good work!:D

[natalie84]

Good luck! I really find it just takes time and patience and effort, and it does sound like you are trying your best. :) Keep us posted on how it goes.

[WendyZ]

Half way through reading your post, I immediately thought autism. But, I think the key is in your P.S. statement. His brother was the same way but is fine now, so I bet this little guy will be fine with a bit more time.

You may want to try keeping your routine very predictable & familiar to see if that helps, especially since he's only there 2x/week. It sounds like he's fine with very familiar things (sleeping, eating, going potty the same way he's been going since he was little, being at home, etc).

Also, I know you're genuinely trying so hard to engage him, but have you considered that you might be trying too hard? He may feel overstimulated by all the different methods/attempts or slightly embarrassed/overwhelmed by the attention.

If he likes rote things, try to engage him by pairing him w/just 1 other child to work on an activity that's VERY rote or involves REPETITIVE music, movement, etc. He may like the predictability of repetition. Of course, the ultimate goal is to get him to do things less rote. But for now, this may be the avenue to getting him to engage or interact.

It's obvious that you care & are really doing a great job with him. Just be patient, & I think it will happen!

Good luck!
WendyZ

[sarzacsmom]

I have worked with 2 children diagnosed with autism when they were in the 3 year old preschool room. I think there may be some reason for concern and advise youto keep tabls on it. The warning signs that you have noticed, may very well be self stims that he is using to try to keep himself in check-- however have you noticed any sensory issues? That could be a big key. I would suggest that you try having him do something with jsut one or two other children--like help sort the beads or make sue all the puzzles have theri piieces by sitting tow or three children at a table with a pile of puzzles and ahve them do puzzles together. You don't say how many children are in your classroom, but you may find that he will do better if you break the group up at play time into smaller groups--also assigning a specific job for him to do with one or two others that would require some type of interaction can also help get him interacting .

[silvana]

I think the fact that he is emotional, that he does lie to his parents suggest he is not autistic .....personally if that child was in my class I would try not to be so involved...be more objective...he has seperation issues which may be the initial barrier to his lack of emotional contact with others. You may well be feeding into this anxiety by just being someone he knows.....you already labelled him super sad.....stand back observe him less, give him room, boys always take longer to make relationships, this may well not be anything more than a child from a different culutural background taking longer to integrate into an americanised environment.