Feeling like a total failure

[ThankAnEducator]

I graduated from college in December, and immediately took a position in my home-town as a replacement teacher. I've been in the 6th grade classroom I am in since the week before Christmas while the teacher I am replacing is out on maternity leave. The students as well as some of the other teachers have given me a less than warm welcome that I thought would dissipate after a few weeks and they had adjusted to me. That is not the case at all.

Last week progress reports went out and about 3/4 of my students have failling grades. The main reason for this decline in their grades has been their performances on their tests. For the most part, classwork and quiz grades are right where you would expect them to be. So far this quarter the students have taken 3 assessments, which after talking to other teachers of the same subject but different grade levels, is apparently moving too quickly. I wasn't aware I had a whole lot of control over how quickly the material moved as the tests we give are passed down by the district, and are not made by myself or my grade team members. Now I am not too proud to say that I am at fault for not inquiring about things and that there's not something I could have done to change things for the benefit of the students. However, I feel like in the same respect, no one bothered to come to me at any point in the past 6 weeks to find out how things were going, etc. The principal received MANY phone calls from parents about this issue, and though I have spoken with the assistant principal about some steps I am taking now to help improve grades, she called me in to basically tell me that this many students doing poorly is unacceptable. Without saying those exact words, she told me I was a failure.

I can definitely see her point that something has to be done, and I have now planned to re-teach and re-test the students on this material, along with doing some quiz redos to help the students grades and understanding of the skills before state testing. However, I feel as though the fact that I've been having such a difficult time with the students listening, respecting me, and just overall adjusting to me also has something to do with the grades. Even after having the AP, the counselor, and my team teachers (some of whom are also looking down on me) talk to the students, nothing has changed in the classroom. They talk whenever and do whatever they want, regardless of the consequences. Both the principal and the counselor have acknowledged to me what a difficult group I teach, and how difficult of a job I have since the students basically see me as a sub-which I am for them.

I've never been so unhappy with my life as I am right now. I'll be leaving this school very shortly as the original teacher will be coming back from her leave soon. But for me, I feel like it's too late. The principal is unhappy with my performance and I don't have enough time to prove myself to her now. I KNOW I can turn things around, but I need a good support system to help me. I now second-guess myself on everything I do in the classroom, and second-guess my abilities. I NEVER had this much trouble during college, and not to sound vain but I know I am a good teacher. I'm just so depressed and feel like a big fat failure. I want to continue teaching, but this whole experience has literally knocked me down.

Any advice? Thanks for reading my novel!

[busbus]

ThankAnEducator, this was your first experience as a "stand alone" classroom teacher. So you failed! So what! Get back up and try again. Learn from the experience. At least you recognized that you should have inquired about so many things. This is one lesson that you have learned. You won't let this happen again.

I do not know how you began with the students on your first day. I suspect that your whole demeanor was that of, "I'm your substitute teacher." If this was the case, I can understand the difficulties that you had with these challenging students. Certainly, it is not easy taking over a class mid-year; however, what you did or didn't do helped to create your problems - not only with the students; but, with the members of the team.

You said that no one came to you. Did you go to anyone? Did you ask questions? You said that you did not inquire about some things. Did you inquire about anything from your team or even the students?

I don't mean to jump all over you. I just want you to reflect on the experience and learn from it.

Dust yourself off and get back on again. Rome was not built in a day. Neither does a person become a teacher in a day or a few weeks. We all had to learn. There are days that many of us feel that we failed; but, when we find that right combination - HURRAY! And, we keep learning.

So, ThankAnEducator, you'll be fine. Don't let this one experience get you down. Learn from it and grow as an educator.

Good luck. :)

[Chef Dave]

I am not too proud to say that I am at fault for not inquiring about things and that there's not something I could have done to change things for the benefit of the students.

Yes, you should have asked for help since you weren't familiar with the curriculum ... but this is water under the bridge and it's too late to address this now. What you need to do is to pick yourself up, learn from this mistake, and move forward.

However, I feel like in the same respect, no one bothered to come to me at any point in the past 6 weeks to find out how things were going, etc.

I'm sorry, but why would you think that parents have a responsibility to contact you to find out how their children are doing? It is ALWAYS the responsibility of the classroom teacher to bring problems with student behavior and/or academic performance to the attention of the parent.

Good public relations requires teachers to keep parents informed. Parents should not learn about their child's failure through a progress report or worse yet, a report card.

Consider this another lesson learned ... be proactive with regards to communication.

Even after having the AP, the counselor, and my team teachers (some of whom are also looking down on me) talk to the students, nothing has changed in the classroom. They talk whenever and do whatever they want, regardless of the consequences. Both the principal and the counselor have acknowledged to me what a difficult group I teach, and how difficult of a job I have since the students basically see me as a sub-which I am for them.

Why are you depending upon external authority to control your classroom?

What have you actually done about behavioral problems with your class? How many notes have you mailed home? How many parents have you called? How many parent conferences have you had? How many kids have you written up on discipline referrals?

You can't teach if you don't have control of your environment.

It sounds as though you really need to take control of the class. If you have not already done so, learn the classroom and school rules. Learn the consequences. Enforce the rules.

A lot of novice teachers confuse the notion of having their kids like them with being good teachers. To this end, they let matters of discipline slide. The problem is that this philosophical approach often backfires.

After all, if you're really a friend, why would you interrupt conversations? Why should your friends have to learn anything? Why should they do homework?

Being a good teacher has nothing to do with whether kids like you or not. A teacher's primary job is to facilitate instruction.

You cannot facilitate instruction unless you have control of your class ... so have a talk with your class. Review the classroom rules. Review the consequences. Be firm, be fair, and be consistent with regards to the implementation of these consequences.

Avoid the novice mantra of, "I'm going to ask you just one more time ... what did I just tell you? This is your last warning. Why aren't you listening to me? I'm not going to keep repeating myself ..."

If you can take control of this class, you can turn things around. You won't be able to make up the time that has been lost, but you may yet redeem yourself as an educator in the eyes of your AP.

In the meanwhile, learn from your mistakes.

1) Be firm, fair, and consistent with the enforcement of school policy and classroom rules.

2) Do not be afraid to ask for advice.

3) Be proactive when it comes to alerting parents to problems or concerns about their child.

[Ms.Champion]

Thank you Chef Dave, I need to hear that as well. I had a really rough day today and didn't have control of my classroom at all. To the OP, I teach 6th grade as well. This is my first year and I have learned things that I am def. not going to do next year. I started off the year telling the kids, "I want your opinions, blah, blah, blah." Now, they think they are entitled to everything. They think this is not fair and that is not fair and blah, blah, blah. They get mad at me, b/c I am not nice to them anymore. So, what!!?!?! I am not here to be your friend, I am here to teach you. Today, was a really rough day for me. I feel like a failure as well. I had to step out my class for a few minutes, b/c I was having to bite my tounge. I am hoping tomorrow will be better. If not, I am taking a "mental health day" on Friday. Hope it gets better for you!! I am thinking about you, b/c I absolutely know where you are coming from!! =D

[Bananas]

You are best to learn from this experience. What could you have done differently? What changes can you make now?

Yes, communication is an important part of a teacher's job. It is a two-way street and parents should also be in contact as they see the need on their side. You communicate through the progress reports, but it is sometimes a good idea to make that quick call prior to this to discuss the situation and outline all you have down with their child.

I feel your principal should have fielded the calls to you before taking them him/herself. At least, that is our districts policy. Talk with the teacher directly, then to the principal if thing are not resolved. For your principal to handle the calls eliminates some needed info you have.

Good luck!

[ThankAnEducator]

I apologize in advance for not knowing how to quote people, as replying to posts on this site is new to me.

I suspect that your whole demeanor was that of, "I'm your substitute teacher."

When I first took the position, it wasn't definite that the teacher would return from her leave so I never took the stance that I was a sub. The kids knew the former teacher said she may return and acted accordingly. I tried to set the tone the first week I was there by letting them know that the rules and expectations would not change, whether I was there temporarily or permanently.

What have you actually done about behavioral problems with your class? How many notes have you mailed home? How many parents have you called? How many parent conferences have you had? How many kids have you written up on discipline referrals?

I have followed all guidelines of the school-wide discipline plan. I have written several referrals, and met or spoke with several parents about behavioral issues. I didn't sit back and let it happen without any action. I'm sorry if it sounds as though I have. These students have outright stated to me that this type of discipline doesn't bother them very much.

I could continue to sit back and try to defend myself on other questions, but I won't. The fact of the matter is that I do all I can now to make things better. I've reflected on some of these things already, and you've given me a few more things to think about.

Thanks for your advice and well wishes. It's nice to have an outlet where people don't coddle and do tell you how it is. Some of these things I needed to hear. :o

[Chef Dave]

I could continue to sit back and try to defend myself on other questions, but I won't. The fact of the matter is that I do all I can now to make things better. I've reflected on some of these things already, and you've given me a few more things to think about.


Look ... we all make mistakes.

When I was an undergraduate, a grizzled old professor told me that some people are born to be teachers but the rest of us have to learn our craft.

My first year was a disaster. I didn't really find my feet as an elementary teacher until my 4th year.

I'm now starting all over again as a culinary arts instructor at high school. High school kids are a lot different from elementary kids, so I'm having to feel my way into this new position.

The process is going faster larger because of my prior 17 years of teaching experience. It also helps that I've taught adult community education courses and am teaching an elective that most students want to participate in.

With regards to your situation, I'd also like to point out that you're a sub. Teacher and administrative support of subs is always different from the support of a new teacher.

Had you been hired as a new teacher, the district might have assigned you a mentor. The team leader would probably have been a lot more proactive in touching bases with you. The kids might even have offered you more respect.

The VP may be unhappy with you but if you learn from the overall experience, you will come out of this as a stronger educator and will be better prepared to teacher your first class as a teacher under contract.

[terina00]

I just had to reply to this....

I am a first year kindergarten teacher, and I came in to replace a teacher who left 2 months into the year. We are a year-round school, so that happens quite frequently, as teachers leave for new schools when the "normal" school year starts.

This year has been, to put it bluntly, hell. I have struggled and fought and gone home in tears more times than I have counted. I have always wanted this job. It has been my dream job since I was eight, I've been preparing for it since then, but it's been hell.

Over christmas, a friend was whining at me that she had to go back to work so much earlier than me. I responded, "But you don't hate your job."

It was such a liberating moment for me, to be able to finally admit it.

It wasn't until a few months ago that other teachers started telling me that they came in as replacements, and that first year was horrible for them, too. Many people have since told me being a replacement is the hardest way to start.

So, it's not just you.

I'm getting better, as I am willing to bet you are as well, and I want to quit way less often than I used to. Take a deep breathe, and remember they are learning from you, even when you don't always see it (or when they aren't learning as much as the kids in the room down the hall with the teacher who's been teaching for 25 years).

Also, I'm going to go against others who replied. Yes, you should ask for help when you need it, but I bet you have. It is the administration's JOB to help you, sub or not. It is, at the end of the day, THEIR SCHOOL, and they should a) know that you are having trouble, and b) be helping you. They are responsible for the kids' learning and behaviour too, and accountable for it. If they are failing you, they are failing them.

And all other responders, please remember: this job can be hard. Teachers need places they can safely share their feelings without being jumped on; if we can't do it with each other, who can we do it with? This person is obviouly a dedicated teacher who is doing their very best. Cut them some slack, ok?