Parental Involvment

[s.kindel]

I am currently taking a class on special education and it is very fascinating! I have a paper to write on any subject dealing with special ed. and am really interested in researching the parents. I am wondering if any of you could help me. I am sure not all parents accept their child's disability with total acceptance from the get go. How do they react when first informed about this, do any parents refuse help for their child, are some parents too involved and end up making their child dependent on others, do any parents treat their child badly, etc.

If any of you can help me, thank you. If you know of any books or webites that might help me, that would be great too!

Thank you for your time,Stacey

[Chef Dave]

I once had a student who was learning disabled but his parents refused to accept this finding. They blamed his poor academic performance on his 2nd grade teacher and asked me to not modify any assignments when he came to my third grade class because there was absolutely nothing wrong with their son.

I did not modify his assignments. During the second week his parents came to school and screamed at me. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" they demanded.

I explained that I had followed their request and had not modified his assignments.

The parents called me an "idiot" and complained to the building administrator. They demanded that their child be transferred to a more "understanding" and "sensitive" teacher.

The principal declined ... and it was a very long year ... :(

Here are some sites that might be of interest:

You Are Not Alone: For Parents When They Learn That Their Child Has A Disability
http://www.kidsource.com/NICHCY/parenting.disab.all.4.2.html

Don't Fear the Diagnosis
http://specialchildren.about.com/od/gettingadiagnosis/a/wrong.htm

Advocating for Your Child
http://ldadvocates.com/parents-become-studied-experts.htm

Alabama schools won't accept that the D-word exists
http://www.al.com/specialreport/huntsvilletimes/index.ssf?/huntsvilletimes/dyslexia/content/dys6.html

[Boxcar]

I think that some parents need more time to process the diagnosis then others. Unfortunately, this can be very frustrating for all the people involved.

[Bananas]

Trouble is, Boxcar, that the occasional parent's need to process might take longer than their child being in school. :rolleyes:

[FrazzleDazzle]

I have several parents that come to mind:
My sister-in-law and her husband, who saw no problem with their 18-month old son who was not doing things he should have been doing much earlier. The family waited for them to "notice," and finally someone suggested talking to his doctor. He was diagnosed with PDD. She had a hard time accepting that something *might* be wrong at first, but as soon as she had a diagnosis she became a wonderful advocate for him, researching teaching methods and encouraging him.

I had a student with severe intellectual and physical disabilties. At the time, he was in 9th grade and didn't recognize the letters of his first name. His mother insisted that he be in World History, Physics, and Art because he was going to college. By the time he was 21, she was more realistic, but her expectations held him back for years because we couldn't focus on what would be most helpful to him.

I have two other sets of parents I can think of that accepted the disability but not the limitations. One girl's had autism and OCD. Her parents were told when she was 4 that she would never speak or be toilet trained. By the time I had her when she was 15, she was extremely verbal (and had been toilet trained for years) because her parents refused to believe the dire predictions. And I had a student with Downs whose parents enouraged independence wherever possible, so that when he was in his late teens they felt comfortable dropping him off outside a convenience store with instructions to buy milk, and by the time he left my class at 22 he was working 5 hours a week without a job coach at McDonald's.

[Boxcar]

It is good to hear about the children who are able to do better than the doctors thought.

I see your point, Bananas. I wish we could help those parents understand. It is so hard to be in situations like that.

[MrsR]

I have seen many parents react many different ways. I think it depends on who they are. I have seen parents that refuse to accept that their child has a special need and I have seen parents on the opposite side of the spectrum (if the child needs to see a Reading Intervention teacher, he suddenly has a huge gap missing in reading and has a learning disability and needs an IEP).

[4thgrdspedteacher]

As a Special Educator, I have seen many things when parents are told about their child's disability. I have seen down right refusal and denial. I have seen parents after YEARS of the diagnosis continue to blame some underlying issue or try to find a new medical reason for their child’s behavior (ie student is having social skill issues, their child is now Autistic instead of the diagnosed ADHD). I have seen parents that gain outside help and the outside help advises the parent that their Special Education student is normal and has no idea what the public school is talking about. I also have those parents that say they will support the school and then when the student goes home to complete work, the parent completes all the work and then wonders why their student is failing the tests. I also have parents that RUN from doctor to doctor to find a cure for their child's disability.

[maridee]

I taught SpED for 2 years at my previous school in a very rural community (read:farming/agriculture) with no nearby larger cities.

I had several sets of parents who were enough to try one's soul:

One set of parents involved their two of their children (1 boy and 1 girl) in an Internet porn venture. The children were removed from the home for a time, but then they were returned [why, I have NO idea]. The boy--who was a sweet-natured little guy--wore at least 3 layers of clothes to school. And sometimes the clothes weren't the cleanest. Self-defense? Protection? He also had hygiene problems--he didn't want to take a shower or bath. Again--self-defense? The little girl was SOO quiet she'd hardly participate in class. One particularly trying day, I remember I raised my voice not necessarily for these 2 but for the entire class--and I watched the boy just cringe and flinch. I could have cried! Poor baby--I just know he equated getting yelled at with getting hit. Later, I can't quite remember what I asked--something about having his Mom help him with either an assignment or some difficulty and you know what he told me? "She's too busy hiding things [personal property] from Dad." That says SOO much about their home life! The mother resembled a Space Cadet--not all there. She'd say that she'd work with the kids on their homework, but from the kids' homework, you knew she just didn't. You'd schedule an IEP meeting, send home the paperwork, and one of 2 things would happen: 1) she wouldn't show up for the meeting; or 2) she'd call 5 minutes after the meeting was supposed to have started and want to postpone the meeting until another day.

In another case, a female high school sophomore and her younger brother had been removed from their Mother's custody some time earlier and they were living with their elderly grandparents. The sophomore had been abused by her mother's boyfriend at one time [part of the reason they were taken from the Mom] and this girl had ISSUES. She wouldn't bathe--she wore clothes that smelled molded or sour because the clothes hadn't completely dried before 1) she had to put them on again; or 2) they'd never been washed because she hadn't brought the clothes to Grandma in time to get into the wash. She was slovenly in appearance, lanky hair, dirt on her neck and hands, rings of dirt around her ankles. Her younger brother was a Holy Terror. He seemed to think that homework wasn't anything he needed to do. He too had hygiene problems, but mostly he seemed to be ODD--oppositional defiance disordered. He would do the opposite of what anyone told him to do. Of course, it didn't help that Mom tried to drown him twice--once when he was a toddler and she put him in the washing machine, closed the lid and turned it on! At any rate, if Grandma couldn't get either one of these kids OUT of bed and ready to go to school--and it was on a day when Grandma had to take Grandpa to the Veteran's Administration for medical treatment and they left the house very early because of the long distance involved--these 2 never made it to school. Apparently, school attendance was optional. Grandma and Grandpa TRIED, I'll give 'em credit for that, but they were both quite elderly and both in poor health and just weren't the best caregivers, God bless 'em.

I had another student, a boy, whose mother didn't know how to set limits. The boy had NO rules, NO limits at home--so whenever he was in school, he thought the rules didn't apply to him. His Mom was another one who couldn't seem to make it to an IEP meeting. He was a very ANGRY child, especially when things didn't go his way. I was quite surprised by the depth of knowledge of sexual terminology this boy displayed--and frequently shared with the other boys. In fact, it got to the point that he was verbally sexually harassing a girl in class and I hauled his derriere to the office more than once that year. Unfortunately, that year the school also had a wishy-washy administrator; so not much was accomplished. The following year, the school got a new principal and it was NO understatement to say that this particular student and the boy butted heads. For a time, the boy had to live with his aunt because Mom got put in jail; that definitely disrupted the aunt's household and got to the point that the boy's cousin was starting to imitate him. Yikes! The culminating event though that got the boy straight to OSS (out of school suspension): he screamed bloody murder in a fit of rage and shoved a teacher! Some time after that, the boy was sent to live with his grandparents in another town--and what was one of the first things we heard about him after his move? He'd gotten suspended after 2 days of being in the new school!

{sigh}

Many of the parents in the community were--in some cases--just as disabled as their children. Some only had an 8th grade education. Others were unemployed, with few job prospects. Still others were--as they say--dipping in the shallow end of the gene pool.

Eventually--in order to save my own sanity--I left the school system.

Only 1 or 2 sets of parents--out of the 27 students I had--were cooperative, supportive, or helpful.

It's a sad--and slightly skewed--portrait of a community with so many economic disadvantages. There was, in addition, always the rumor that-- for many years--the community had BAD water, unsafe to the point that the State finally ordered the town to better treat its water system.

Hmm--lead in the water=learning disabilities? The school system had a very high percentage of learning disabled students for the total school population. I've always thought there was a definite correlation between the two.

Hope this helps! BTW, wave at me! I'm not THAT far from you!

[Boxcar]

Those are sad stories.

I think you are probably right about the lead-water thing. It can cause many issues.

[s.kindel]

Wow, what a response! I have gotten alot of information and thank you all. I now have to put it in writing.

Thanks so much and wish me luck!!

Stacey

[Boxcar]

Good luck! I'm sure you'll do fine. :)

[avid reader]

sorry I put it in twice.

[avid reader]

As a parent I fought my child being diagnosed as LD because I did not and still do not believe the diagnosis was correct. He had trouble reading and spelling. He is a senior today and has been declassified. He will tell you he plays the system (as I knew he would). He started in first grade slacking off and then when he heard he might not pass he miracuosly could do all the owrk without any problems. This happened all of his elementary school career. In middle school they forced us to label him LD or he would be held back in 7th grade. So we put him in Special Ed. where he used it as much as possible to get extra help so he didn't work as hard. He was declassified last year.
I see a lot of students who use their diability as a crutch, so they do not have to put in any effort, I am not saying they all do this. My daughter who is also LD worked very hard and refused help as much as possible. She is now in college and is declassified and doing vey well.
I have taught special ed for 7 years and one year as a high school consultant teacher and 6 years as a self-contained high school life skill class. Most of my students in the self-contained class have parents who are as low functioning as their child. The few that are not do work very hard to make their child as independent as possible.
I did have one parent of an autistic child who tried to "cure" him by putting him on special diets. This just made the child miserable because he could not eat anything everyone else had, she would not even let him have water from us. He eventually came off the diet, it wasn't helping anyway.

[dangercat]

Last semester I was in a class where a student was very uncontrolable. He was so full of anger. Mom and dad both were notified and the child was seen at a pych hospital. The hospital made recomendations that mom didn't agree with so she moved him school districts hoping the problem wouldn't follow him. The child is in Kindergarten mind you and already having to be restrained from violence against other students and teachers. He almost threw a desk at me and did end up biting the teacher I was working with. Mom still refuses to see the problem with his pent up anger.

As a parent I know I'd have a hard time accepting that there was something wrong with my child. But I also have come to realize that I am her best desfense against the world and if I am not there to help and support her when she needs it, who is going to be there for her? I do get defensive when people suggest that she is ADHD...only because I know she just is full of engery and has no problems at school. But should she have a problem at school focusing I would be more then interested in what I could do to help her.

[jsfowler]

There are all types of parents - those that do not want to believe there is a problem and those who will do everything in their power to create a problem.

When we recommend someone for special needs testing, some parents do not want to believe it and refuse the testing.Sometimes we can get them to reconsider and they think they will prove us wrong...when the test comes back and the child qualifies, they refuse help.

Sometimes parents recommend their child be tested...so they won't have as much homework, so they themselves will not have to help their child, so they can get money, etc. They tell their kids to fail on purpose. What they don't understand is if their child's test comes back and their IQ places them in an FMD program yet in the classroom they make C's...there is obviously a discrepancy.

This year I have two students who are so dependant on others it is unbelievable. Both of their parents have made them this way. The sad thing is...they are my highest special needs kids, but require the majority of my time. They literally write one sentence and have to check if it's write. They will not attempt an answer without discussing it with you first. They make you give them every single accommodation for every single assignment...whether they need it or not....it is a crutch and they do not understnad they are hurting their children. They will understand after high school when THEY are the ones who have to take care of them.

The thing that kills me most is when you ask the child and parents what their future goals are and they say medical school (with an IQ of 70!!). I don't want to kill dreams, but we need to help them come up with REALISTIC goals - medical office assistance, assistant nurse, etc.

[Bananas]

A teacher can work on the spoon feeding/learned helplessness syndrome by being firm and consistent in gradually requiring the student to be able to take more risks in working on their own. They still get supervision and assistance through their work being monitored, but saying that you will check after they have written two sentences and appreciating their effort does help. Sometimes they need more confidence in themselves and to know that it is fine to make mistakes.

I had a low-functioning gal with possible Asperger's Syndrome who was using my pitcher of filtered water to fill her water bottle. She spilled some water on the desk and it drained onto the carpet. She looked at me, waiting my reaction. I know she is sensitive, and another teacher is more brisk with her. I simply smiled and said that was easy to take care of. She was already going to my cabinet to get the towel to wipe up the desk and blot the carpet. She was waiting for the shoe to drop, but I just smiled and told her that she was a smart girl to pour over the desk.

We all make mistakes and we learn from them. They provide opportunities for those problem solving skills to be used. I know she faces a lot of challenges in her day, so I hope to make my room a safe haven for her.