ViciousVocabulary
12-16-2007, 12:42 PM
Presidential Vocabulary To Avoid
As the presidential election approaches and you’re considering just whom to vote for, here are some vocabulary for personality traits you might want to avoid in a President.
Potvaliant = brave because one is drunk
No. We don’t need this problem in the White House. Imagine a president waking up with a hangover and stammering, “Wait. You’re telling me last night I did…what?” We’ve had crapulous presidents in the past, (e.g., Grant, Washington) freely dousing their gullets with liquor, but there’s nothing to suggest that any of them were more prone to duke it up while on the sauce as they were when sober.
Pixilated = affected by pixies, crazy, nutty
If my granny told me once she told me a thousand times: Don’t listen to pixies, especially strange pixies (and it’s important to note, all pixies are strange). Now, if the president had a fairy, like, let’s say, Tinker Bell, or a genie, that could be useful, you know, in a pinch when someone has lobbed a dirty bomb or an airplane or a mind probe at us, but a president with a pixie? No way. That’s where I draw the line.
Anaclitic = typified by an unhealthy deep-rooted emotional reliance on a mother to the degree that it causes extreme mental instability
I’ve discussed this thoroughly with all of my therapists, including my past-life hypnotist, and we all agree: it would be a disaster if we voted in an anaclitic president. You vote for a person—not his or her mother! I know some of you will disagree, but think about it: what if your ex’s mother was calling the shots in the White House? Enough said.
Tarantulated = bitten by a tarantula or affected by tarantism
If you suffer from tarantism you have an uncontrollable urge to dance. I don’t know about you, but if every time I saw the Pres., he got up and did the Watusi (or even worse—the funky chicken!) I’d get a little nervous.
Oscitant = typified by yawning
I hate this, politicians yawning at will, without a care in the world, while we slave away; and them, with their fat paychecks and their free meals and their pages and interns on the side, kicking back in some all important meeting about war or pork or sex. It’s time to wake up from our nap and shout: Enough is enough!
Hebetating = getting more dull or stupid by the minute
Daft we can handle. Just plain stupid, we can handle. All we have to do is surround the nincompoop with intelligent people who can keep the country running and everything’s jake. We’ve been doing that for years. But what do you do if your president wakes up each day with one more piece of his brain out of kilter? How do you plan? What do you tell the public? There’s only so much the Illuminati can do.
Zoanthropic = suffering from the delusion that one is an animal
So…our president sits down to talk with Russia or China and before you know it, the big cheese falls on all fours and bites someone’s leg. Not a confidence builder. The stock market would crash—big time.
Horripilated = with the hairs on one’s head standing on end from fear
Here’s another one that could give you the jitters: a President having a little fireside chat to calm the nation down, Franklin D. Roosevelt style, and he looks like he just saw a ghost. Not cool.
Hapless = unlucky
Let’s face it: the presidency is a crap job; to get through it, you need some luck, whether it’s good luck, dumb luck, or whatever. Remember what President Truman said when asked what it feels like to be the most powerful man in the world. His reply, “I never had to kiss so many butts in all my life!”
Hopefully, the next president won’t have any of these traits. If he or she does, then you and I will probably have all of them.
I took most of these words from my first book, Vicious Vocabulary. I hope it gives you a giggle.
As the presidential election approaches and you’re considering just whom to vote for, here are some vocabulary for personality traits you might want to avoid in a President.
Potvaliant = brave because one is drunk
No. We don’t need this problem in the White House. Imagine a president waking up with a hangover and stammering, “Wait. You’re telling me last night I did…what?” We’ve had crapulous presidents in the past, (e.g., Grant, Washington) freely dousing their gullets with liquor, but there’s nothing to suggest that any of them were more prone to duke it up while on the sauce as they were when sober.
Pixilated = affected by pixies, crazy, nutty
If my granny told me once she told me a thousand times: Don’t listen to pixies, especially strange pixies (and it’s important to note, all pixies are strange). Now, if the president had a fairy, like, let’s say, Tinker Bell, or a genie, that could be useful, you know, in a pinch when someone has lobbed a dirty bomb or an airplane or a mind probe at us, but a president with a pixie? No way. That’s where I draw the line.
Anaclitic = typified by an unhealthy deep-rooted emotional reliance on a mother to the degree that it causes extreme mental instability
I’ve discussed this thoroughly with all of my therapists, including my past-life hypnotist, and we all agree: it would be a disaster if we voted in an anaclitic president. You vote for a person—not his or her mother! I know some of you will disagree, but think about it: what if your ex’s mother was calling the shots in the White House? Enough said.
Tarantulated = bitten by a tarantula or affected by tarantism
If you suffer from tarantism you have an uncontrollable urge to dance. I don’t know about you, but if every time I saw the Pres., he got up and did the Watusi (or even worse—the funky chicken!) I’d get a little nervous.
Oscitant = typified by yawning
I hate this, politicians yawning at will, without a care in the world, while we slave away; and them, with their fat paychecks and their free meals and their pages and interns on the side, kicking back in some all important meeting about war or pork or sex. It’s time to wake up from our nap and shout: Enough is enough!
Hebetating = getting more dull or stupid by the minute
Daft we can handle. Just plain stupid, we can handle. All we have to do is surround the nincompoop with intelligent people who can keep the country running and everything’s jake. We’ve been doing that for years. But what do you do if your president wakes up each day with one more piece of his brain out of kilter? How do you plan? What do you tell the public? There’s only so much the Illuminati can do.
Zoanthropic = suffering from the delusion that one is an animal
So…our president sits down to talk with Russia or China and before you know it, the big cheese falls on all fours and bites someone’s leg. Not a confidence builder. The stock market would crash—big time.
Horripilated = with the hairs on one’s head standing on end from fear
Here’s another one that could give you the jitters: a President having a little fireside chat to calm the nation down, Franklin D. Roosevelt style, and he looks like he just saw a ghost. Not cool.
Hapless = unlucky
Let’s face it: the presidency is a crap job; to get through it, you need some luck, whether it’s good luck, dumb luck, or whatever. Remember what President Truman said when asked what it feels like to be the most powerful man in the world. His reply, “I never had to kiss so many butts in all my life!”
Hopefully, the next president won’t have any of these traits. If he or she does, then you and I will probably have all of them.
I took most of these words from my first book, Vicious Vocabulary. I hope it gives you a giggle.