The Evil Genie Game

[Chef Dave]

Here is a game I encountered at a writer's website. It's called the "Evil Genie" game.

Here's how it works.

I will post a wish. The next person to post will be the evil genie. My wish will be granted but since evil genies are ... well ... evil, my wish will be twisted in a fiendishly clever way.

After granting the wish, the evil genie then reverts to being a normal person and will post a wish for the next person to thwart.

Example:

Person 1: "I wish I had a hundred million dollars"

Person 2: "Wish granted! While driving home, a demolition crew incorrectly implodes a building. Instead of falling straight down, the building topples onto your vehicle. Rescue crews find your mangled body and you are now in a permanent coma ... but not to worry because the hundred million dollars your family got in a wrongful injury settlement is being used to pay for your medical expenses ...

Person 2: I wish I was a handsome movie star ...

Okay ... get the idea?

Let's start.

I wish I could be Food Network's latest celebrity chef TV star.

[FrazzleDazzle]

Wish granted! Chef Dave is the host of the Food Network's newest program, "Cooking with Road Kill." Dave and his crew travel around the country and show you how to prepare delicious, nutritious meals with "found" meat.


I wish my Christmas shopping was finished.

[Chef Dave]

Wish granted! Chef Dave is the host of the Food Network's newest program, "Cooking with Road Kill."

Ouch! This sounds like something that would have been cooked up at the Minuteman Inn by Larry and Darrel and Darrel in the Newhart show.


I wish my Christmas shopping was finished.

Wish granted! As you purchase your last gift, the blizzard of the millenium sweeps in across your city, burying everything under 20 feet of snow. Electrical power goes out. Phone lines go down. Traffic ceases to move.

Unable to get out of the store, sub zero temperatures force customers to huddle over fires made by burning gifts.

Merry Christmas! Heh-Heh .... :eek:

As for myself, I wish I could be immortal.

[Karenrbw]

Your wish is granted. You now stand guard over the Gateway Arch in St Louis - a bronze statue of the infamous Chef Dave. You will be there forever, in rain, sleet, snow, summer, etc. The pigeons enjoy your company and numerous tourists have their pictures taken at your feet. No only are your immortal, but you are also famous.

I wish the computers in my classroom actually worked and the students could start using them.

[Chef Dave]

Your wish is granted. You now stand guard over the Gateway Arch in St Louis - a bronze statue of the infamous Chef Dave. You will be there forever, in rain, sleet, snow, summer, etc. The pigeons enjoy your company and numerous tourists have their pictures taken at your feet. No only are your immortal, but you are also famous.

AHHHHH! NOT PIGEONS! And my nose itches ... (wince)


I wish the computers in my classroom actually worked and the students could start using them.

A gifted student joins your class. Not only is he able to bring your computers on-line but he substantially upgrades them using a previously unknown submolecular hard drive based on theortical quantum mechanics.

Having created a perfect electronic system that is hundreds of years beyond what we would consider "state of the art," the gifted student realizes that carbon based life forms are woefully inept at using his system.

Using duct tape, safety scissors, paper clips, and crayons, he "upgrades" students by installing cyber-links to his computer that are hardwired into each brain.

The students become cyborgs who begin by assimilating the rest of the school. The school then goes on to assimilate the city. The city assimilates the county. The county assimilates the state. The state assimilates the nation and the nation assimilates the world.

http://www.freewebs.com/trek_obsessed3452/startrek-borg.jpg

We are Borg! You will be assimilated into our collective. Resistance is futile.

[Spectre]

I wish I could find a cure for hormones!

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could find a cure for hormones!

Wish granted.

You suffer a massive heart attack and pass on before emergency medical technicians can be summoned.

Dead people have no need for hormones. (Evil laugh)

As for myself, I wish I had time to finish excavating a pond in my back yard.

[teach1027]

Your wish is granted. Your pond is done, however you have lifted too much and strained your back, and fallen into your pond, which you have stocked with giant Coi fish who bite you over 50% of your body, and you are now confined to a hospital bed as you heal.

I wish that all of my students were on grade level. so they will be able to pass their TAKS test.

[Chef Dave]

I wish that all of my students were on grade level. so they will be able to pass their TAKS test.

Wish granted!

Your students breeze through the TAKS test and ace the test. State auditors descend upon your school. They retest your entire class using sealed tests hand carried from the Department of Education in Austin. The students are again tested under the most stringent of conditions. To everyone's surprise, your class again score perfect scores in all subject areas.

Your picture appears in the newspaper. President George Bush, Jr. announces that you are the national teacher of the year. Your home town makes your birthday a local holiday. Rachel Ray invites you to appear on her talk show. A newspaper editor dubs you, "The Miracle Worker."

During the summer, your superintendent decides to make optimum use of his "miracle worker." You are assigned to the lowest performing school in a dangerous neighborhood with the most academically deficient and bad natured students in the entire district.

Good luck!

:)

As for myself, I would like a life time supply of fresh Beluga caviar!

[Karenrbw]

Because of your superior culinary skills, you are kidnapped by the KGB to serve as master chef at the Kremlin. They underestimate your subborness and, after various confrontations, exile you to a tiny diner in a village in Siberia. The good news - it is a major fishing area for beluga sturgeon. The villagers don't have money to pay you for your work, they just pay you in cavier.

I wish my school building wasn't forty years old and we actually had heat in the bathrooms. Brrr!

[Chef Dave]

I wish my school building wasn't forty years old and we actually had heat in the bathrooms. Brrr!

In an effort to generate some heat, two 1st graders toss a match inside a bathroom trash can. The resulting fire spread from the bathroom to the entire school ... which burns to the ground.

You are now teaching in a WWII surplus tent while the district scrounges for money to rebuild the school.

As for myself, I would like to be irresistable to beautiful young women.

[Karenrbw]

Wish granted: you are now a giant box of mixed chocolates and no woman can resist you. They gaze lovingly at you with desire in their eyes. A fight breaks out over the last piece of dark chocolate in the box.

I wish that all the students that want to be in my class are able to fit it into their schedules and that students who really don't want to be here can find somewhere else to go.

[Spectre]

Wish granted!

Your school building has been relocated to death valley, where the temperature can exceed 120 degrees! Now you have as much heat as you can possibly withstand.

I wish weekends last longer than two days.

[Chef Dave]

I wish weekends last longer than two days.

Wish granted!

The building administrator decides that you're surplus to school needs and terminates your contract. Your weekend is now as long as you want it.

As for myself, I wish for a substantial income tax refund.

[javamomma]

As for myself, I wish for a substantial income tax refund

However, the check is found to be a fake and the funds withdrawn from your account.



For myself I wish for a week at the beach

[Spectre]

Wish granted.

You go on a cruise (a regular "three hours tour") and are shipwrecked on an island with a beautiful, white, sand, beach...

I wish it were next Friday and school was out for vacation.

[Chef Dave]

I wish it were next Friday and school was out for vacation.

Wish granted.

You have traveled through time and school is now out for vacation. There are 45 messages on your answering machine from the school secretary and building administrator. Where have you been? Why haven't you reported to work?

In your mailbox you discover a pink slip from the office of the district superintendent. Having missed a week of school as a no call/no show, your employment has been suspended pending review.

As for myself, I wish I was married to celebrity chef, Rachel Ray. Whoo-whoo! :)

[FrazzleDazzle]

Wish granted. After becoming Mr. Rachel Ray, Chef Dave goes on a book tour with his new wife. After traveling to 20 cities in 19 days, getting up at 3 AM for the early morning talk show interviews and staying up until 11 PM for the late night interviews, and having a publicisit who refuses to schedule in time to go to the bathroom, he asks his new bride when the book tour will be over. "Too soon, honey," she replies, "and then we get to do it again in just 6 months!"


I wish I had enough time to do my job the way I want to.

[Chef Dave]

I wish I had enough time to do my job the way I want to.

Wish granted!

The evil genie places you in a time bubble. The world seems to slow down around you. Everyone ... is ... moving ... in ... slowwwwwwww ... ... ... moooooootionnnnnnnnnnnnn ... to the point where movement is almost impercetible. According to your time frame, drop of water falling off the faucet nearly a week just to hit the bottom of the sink!

Congratulations! You now have plenty of time to do your job!

As for myself, I wish I had the ability to command instant obedience from anyone I met.

[Karenrbw]

Wish granted - you are now a traffic light with a Red Light Camera. Everyone knows you can take their picture and send them a ticket for running the light, so you are always obeyed.

I wish to have a soundproof wall and door between my classroom and the metal shop where they make lots of noise.

[Chef Dave]

wish to have a soundproof wall and door between my classroom and the metal shop where they make lots of noise.

Wish granted.

A giant sink hole swallows your classroom. Your portion of the building is torn away from the rest of the school. Your room sinks 1000 ft. into the earth. As your room sinks into the ground, the walls of the sinkhole collapse - burying you far under ground.

With the exception of a roof that's groaning under the weight of several tons of dirt and rock - it's amazingly quiet. It's also pitch black and the air is getting a bit ripe ...

http://www.pahighways.com/graphics/pictures/US202sinkhole1.jpg

As for myself, I wish I was the world's greatest baritone.

[3rdgradeteach]

:p
You are such a hoot Chef.....lol.....that made my day today!

[javamomma]

As for myself, I wish I was the world's greatest baritone.

but you can only sing, not talk. Now you will literally sing for your supper.

I wish I could snap my fingers and my house be clean.

[Chef Dave]

wish I could snap my fingers and my house be clean.

Wish granted.

You have developed an extreme case of osteoporosis. You literally snapped your fingers while trying to pick up the vacuum cleaner.

It's a good thing you had insurance. :)

Since you are unable to do housework because of your brittle bones, you have had to hire a housekeeping service to clean your house.

As for myself ... I hope I will have a restful Christmas vacation.

[Karenrbw]

Chef Dave: Wish Granted - on your way across the parking lot on the last day of school before Christmas break, you trip over your own shoe strings and fall to the pavement - breaking your hip. Immobilized in a hospital bed, you have no choice but to rest during the school vacation.

I wish I could snap my fingers and all my papers be graded.

[Boxcar]

Your wish is granted. Your school is upgraded with heated bathrooms. However, the administration decides that all that is old must go. They fire all the old teachers and hire new ones. In the meantime, the students won't come out of the bathrooms becasue they are the only heated rooms in school! The contractors misunderstood the request and thought that was the only heat that was wanted.

I wish that I had a private chauffer (sp?). I also wish I could spell correctly!

[Boxcar]

Sorry. I was responding to something on the first page. I didn't realize there was more than one page. Boy, I feel stupid now!

[Boxcar]

Anyways...

Wish granted. All your papers are graded. However, they are not graded correctly. The grades are much lower than they should be. The students all come to your house and T.P. it because they are angry. Their parents call you at every hour of the night and day to yell at you. The principal is so angry you lose your job.

I wish I didn't do stupid things.

[3rdgradeteach]

I just love you guys......I literally laughed out loud at these. You are a people after my own heart! Now I found a place that will appreciate my humor!
And Boxcar....if you never did anything stupid then your life would be boring! And we would have nothing to laugh at.....no just kidding...
Some wishes are not best granted.....;)

[Chef Dave]

Anyways...

I wish I didn't do stupid things.

Wish granted! Your are now a pebble ... and not even an attractive pebble with bits of quartz or feldspar. You're just an ordinary grayish looking pebble. You no longer have the capacity for doing anything because you can't move or talk or do anything but lie by the roadside "watching" life go by.

Enjoy!

As for myself, I wish I had a 40 lb. prime rib roast to cook for my Christmas dinner.

[Chef Dave]

I wish that I had a private chauffer (sp?). I also wish I could spell correctly!

Wish granted!

You are now severely autistic. Your social skills are non-existent. You have no imagination or creativity. You are unemployable because your communication skills are severely limited ... but for reasons unknown, you can spell and define any word that you hear.

Chauffeur ... c-h-a-u-f-f-e-u-r ... a man paid to drive a privately owned car ... to drive someone in a vehicle ...

Flocci*nauci*nihili*pili*fication, the act of estimating something as worthless ...

Twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepickleso nionsonasesameseedbun ... the 1975 seventy-one letter advertising jingle introduced by McDonald's

Sex*millia*quingent*sexagint*illion, coming from the Latin name for 6560, is the name for 103(6560+1) = 1019683. In British usage, it would be 106(6560) = 1039360.

A person from social services now chauffeurs you to and from you weekly appointment with your doctor ...

As for myself, I wish I had a 40 lb. prime rib roast to cook for my Christmas dinner.

[Karenrbw]

Chef Dave: YOur wish is granted. On your way home tonight, you hit a prize winning Hereford bull with your car. Your car is totaled and the bull must be shot by the deputy that responds to the accident. Your insurance company, in addition to paying for your car and injuries, must also pay the farmer $30,000 for his bull. Your insurance rates skyrocket, but as a consolation, you get to keep the meat from the bull, including all roasts and steaks.

I wish extra duty at school (ball game monitors, scorekeepers, dance chaperones, etc) was handled by droids so I wouldn't have to keep my kids up late to work at a ball game where there aren't any school administrators present.

[Chef Dave]

I wish extra duty at school (ball game monitors, scorekeepers, dance chaperones, etc) was handled by droids so I wouldn't have to keep my kids up late to work at a ball game where there aren't any school administrators present.

Wish granted!

Robot nannies now supervise the children on the playground.
http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/3229695.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=27D044C0A019FA6C0905F3D561CADAA9A55A1E4F32AD3138

Robot monitors supervise the children in the cafeteria.
http://www.headinjurytheater.com/images/S&M%20robot%20versus%20elf%201.jpg

The robots are so successful, that the school board eventually decides to have robot teachers replace all human instructors ... ending problems with sick leave, maternity leave, and personal leave ... and also ending all complaints about salary, benefits, and unpaid overtime.
http://picture-book.com/files/userimages/123u/dani_robot.jpg

As for myself ... I'd like to have a really "buff" body ...

[javamomma]

As for myself ... I'd like to have a really "buff" body

Wish Granted, however, now you are now
http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:1hBkR6z5FtAJfM:http://www.tvacres.com/images/buffy_doll_small.jpg

Buffy from Family Affair :)

I wish I could skip Bench Mark testing!

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could skip Bench Mark testing!

Wish granted!

A riot in a nearby maximum security prison overwhelms security guards. Armed prisoners have broken out of prison and have taken your entire school hostage.

"You'll never take us alive!" shouts the brutal leader as he chambers a round into his shotgun. "I'm going to start killing hostages if you don't back off in the next five minutes!"

The convict leader is a notorious pedophile whose criminal record includes the assault and decapitation of dozens of children ...

(shudder)

As for myself, I wish I had a state of the art computer system in my culinary arts classroom.

[Karenrbw]

Chef Dave,

Your wish for up to date technology is granted. With a huge grant from the Gates Foundation, your school district puts the most up to date computer system known to the education world in your classroom. As a matter of fact, it is so up to date that it can teach the kids and there is no need for a flesh and blood teacher in the classroom anymore. Your principal quietly tells you that you have been replaced by technology and you finally find a job on the back line at a local McDonalds. You had better hope they don't get a new computer system.

I wish the counselor would get things straight and actually give me a current list of the kids that are supposed to be in my classes. I have some showing up in class not on the roster and some on the roster never showing up.

[Chef Dave]

I wish the counselor would get things straight and actually give me a current list of the kids that are supposed to be in my classes. I have some showing up in class not on the roster and some on the roster never showing up.

Wish granted.

You are given an updated list.

Annoyed by your complaints, the counselor rearranged student schedules to give you every "special" student in the school. You now have dozens of special education students who require accommodation with accompanying IEP documentation. You also have all of the habitual troublemakers ...

:eek:

As for myself, I wish I had a new stainless steel table to support the new beverage dispenser that arrived before the Christmas break.

[busbus]

Wish granted.

You are given an updated list.

...I wish I had a new stainless steel table to support the new beverage dispenser that arrived before the Christmas break.
Wish granted! However, no one at the school when delivered. Left it behind the school near the dumpster. Your new beverage dispenser saw it through the window and managed to find a way out. They feel in love, got married and moved next to the White House so that security will keep them protected!

I wish that this new classic model of a 1964 1/2 Mustang sitting on my desk would turn into a real life-size car for me to drive.

[Chef Dave]

I wish that this new classic model of a 1964 1/2 Mustang sitting on my desk would turn into a real life-size car for me to drive.

Wish granted.

The model car turned into a full sized car while you were sitting at your desk. Not only did the full sized car crush your desk but it also crushed your body and pinned you under the rear tires.

The district is billing you for the cost of a desk, computer, and office chair. They also billed you for the cost of dismantling the vehicle so that it could be taken out of your office. Building maintenance tossed the parts in the parking lot.

As soon as your full body cast is removed and you have finished physical therapy, you'll be able to drive your car ... providing you have the time or money to have it reassembled.

Enjoy!

As for myself, I wish I didn't have to go to Phoenix to take a knowledge of secondary instruction test for teacher certification.

[busbus]

Wish granted.
I wish I didn't have to go to Phoenix to take a knowledge of secondary instruction test for teacher certification.

Wish granted while in "twilight zone" having fun with the Borg Collective. You thought that you had been assimilated - no such luck! Relief was only for a "moment." :p Unbeknownst to you, the Borg had work for you to do! You had to bring them specimens from the Arizona school district to strengthen the Collective. The only way that could happen is for you to be on staff.

Thinking that you had been relieved from taking the secondary knowledge test - grinning (only the way that Borgs can grin) and having fun, you were surprised to find yourself in Phoenix, sitting at a desk with no cell phone, two sharpened pencils, picture ID and hearing the words, "You can open your book now and begin. You have ... hours to finish. Once time is called, put your pencil down and close your book. Good luck."
Get to work, the Collective is watching! :D

[Chef Dave]

I wish Busbus would choose a wish ...

Chef Dave flinched as he awaited the genie's response.

[busbus]

Chef Dave flinched as he awaited the genie's response.[/QUOTE]
Sorry about that! :o

I wish that the "scratch-off" Christmas lottery ticket that I got for Christmas proves to be a big winner when I finally begin the scratching. I'll take the trip of a lifetime, just casually tripping across the globe checking out all the places that I've only read about, seen on TV or on computer virtual trips. And meet and begin a romantic relationship with a man wealthier than Bill Gates and Oprah put together. And live a life of bliss!

[Chef Dave]

I wish that the "scratch-off" Christmas lottery ticket that I got for Christmas proves to be a big winner

Congratulations! You are a WINNER-WINNER-WINNER!

You take your friends and family out for a lavish prime rib and lobster dinner. You wine and dine. You max out your credit cards in anticipation of a big pay off. When you go to the state lotto office to cash in your ticket, you eagerly tell the clerk that you're a WINNER-WINNER-WINNER.

The clerk congratulates you and asks to see your ticket. You check your purse. You check your pockets. You rush outside and check the glove compartment of your car. You check under the seats and under the floor mats. You back trace your steps looking for the ticket.

Somehow, during all of the excitement, your winning ticket was misplaced ...

Sorry about that ... (evil grin) ...

As for myself, I wish Busbus could be a coach in my district ...

[busbus]

Congratulations! You are a WINNER-WINNER-WINNER!

As for myself, I wish Busbus could be a coach in my district ...
Wish Granted!

With great anticipation and excitement, you prepare many grand celebratory events to welcome busbus to your school district. You have the marching band waiting at the airport for her arrival. The barbecue is ready. Even the multi-flavors of homemade ice cream is chilled and ready to serve.

You arrive at the airport with the marching band in tune waiting for busbus to deplane. It appears that everyone on the plane has gotten off. The marching band members and the town folks are giving you that look! What are you to do? You're sweating! Streams of water trickle down your back! You get your nerves together and approach one of the flight stewards. "Who did you say you were? Do you have identification? Okay, busbus was taken from the plane in handcuffs before take-off by federal marshals. She said to tell you, personally, that she is ever so sorry; but it appears that her creditors will not allow her to leave the state because of the debt that she amassed when she thought that she had won the lottery. :D

I wish to read another person's wish!

[kingrichie]

Congratulations! You get to read someone else's wish. Unfortunately, you have to read wishes forever.
I wish for a longer Winter Break.

[Karenrbw]

Kingrichie - wish granted. Due to the massive freak storm now pound California, roads are closed, mudslides are everywhere, trees have toppled all over the place and schools are closed. You don't go back to school for another two weeks. Unfortunately, since you missed so much school, now you won't have a spring break, any other days off, and they will add a week to the end of the school year.

I wish I could get over this cold that has been hounding me for the past week.

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could get over this cold that has been hounding me for the past week.

No problem. An unseasonal warm spell quickly turns your area into a humid swamp that soon fills with buzzing mosquito.

You get over your cold ... only to come down with malaria.

As for myself, I wish instruction of the state standards for culinary arts came with a pretest/post test for each semester, so that I wouldn't have to spend the afternoon laboriously creating tests for each class.

[Karenrbw]

As you wish Chef Dave - you are now teaching in a state with VOCATS - Vocational Aptitude Testing System. For each course there is a state mandate pretest and post test. You are given all the topics you must cover in a semester and never see the test until the day it is given. You are, however, given a test item bank of over 2000 possible questions that may be on the end of the course exam. The exams is mandated by the state to count for 20% of your students' final course grades. It doesn't matter if a particular topic doesn't apply to you or your particular area - you have to cover it or suffer the consequences when the tests are scored. I have taught in this state and it wasn't fun.

I wish the school board would discover that sports aren't the most important thing that happens at our school.

[Chef Dave]

I wish the school board would discover that sports aren't the most important thing that happens at our school.

Wish granted!

After watching the movie, "Take the Lead" with Antonio Banderas, the school board decided to eliminate all sports programs in favor of extracurricular dance.

You are now one of the district's dance coaches. By day you are a teacher but after school and on weekends, you coach the tango and the waltz.

Angry young men wearing tutus stage a mass protest. Having learned that you were responsible for the elimination of the entire athletic department, the men riot. They overturn and burn your car and are now pursuing you down the hallway of your school while their classmates cheer.

http://www.ordercostumes.com/mm5/graphics/00000001/FW5115FULL.jpg

As for myself, I wish my culinary arts students would clean up after themselves without having to be asked.

[Chef Dave]

As for myself, I wish my culinary arts students would clean up after themselves without having to be asked.

Any wish granters out there?

[Flipp]

As for myself, I wish my culinary arts students would clean up after themselves without having to be asked.
WISH GRANTED...
You inadvertently leave your keys sitting on you desk. As you are working with a student, another student takes your key and makes an imprint in a piece of cheese.
The boys in industrial arts easily make a key from the imprint and your students return Friday night to ... "clean up." You walk in Monday morning and discover a room without utensils, pots, pans or food.

I wish I could manage to get to bed before 1 a.m.

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could manage to get to bed before 1 a.m.

No problem!

A tsetse fly somehow got aboard an Air Zimbabwe flight ... yes, there is actually an airline called Air Zimbabwe ... and having arrived in your neck of the woods the fly bit you - passing on a diseased protoza through its saliva.

You now have a severe case of Trypanosomiasis - also known as sleeping sickness and no longer have a problem going to bed before 1 AM. The problem is that you are now at risk for falling asleep while driving ... while teaching ... while eating dinner plop goes you head directly onto a plate of spaghetti ... etc.

As for myself, I wish the security cameras in our student restaurant were working ...

[MissTeach]

Your security cameras are working! However, when reviewing the film you find that one of your students kept sneezing on the food that was being prepared for the school board meal you served yesterday. Today, all of the school board members have come down with a deadly virius which is traced back to your sneezing student! You no longer have a job......But the security cameras are still working great!


I wish I could be 30 again........

[dangercat]

Wish granted! You are now thirty again and tomorrow and the day after that. Every day from now till the end of time will be your 30th birthday over and over again. Every day you wake up you find that you are waking up not having aged another day past 30.

I wish I could read all the books in the world...

[irish223]

POOF! Wish granted! With your excellent reading fluency, you've read every book known to man (and woman:)). However, your poor reading comprehension has left you with no understanding of what you've read.:(

I wish I could quit procrastinating...

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could quit procrastinating...

Wish granted! You suddenly find yourself wearing a pair of magical dancing slippers that miraculously keep you active. Your toes tap to music that you can't hear and you suddenly find yourself incapable of procrastinating.

You complete your tax return. You clean your entire house. You change the oil in your car. You rearrange your classroom. You reorganize your file cabinet. You mow your lawn. You wash your car.

You are exhausted but find that your dancing slippers won't let you stop ... (evil laugh) ...

As for myself, I wish my students were always well behaved ...

[jsfowler]

Wish granted! Without being reminded your students are cleaning their work stations, talking with their "inside" voices, turning in all assignments that have been done to proficiency, dressing for success, minding their manners.... You also notice that your co-workers are being expecially polite and prepared. Your principal invites you to a special luncheon at the new country club..."Welcome to Stepford". You're next!!

I wish I could come home one day and my entire house be spotless...

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could come home one day and my entire house be spotless...

No problem! A cargo plane carrying thermosetting epoxide polymer collides with another plane carrying a catalyzing agent.

There is a catastrophic explosion. Curiosity compels you to open your bedroom window to look outside.

You open your window in time to receive a downpour of bisphenol-A based epoxy resin. Your house is coated. You are coated. The open window allows the resin to pour inside your home.

You and your house will now be preserved for all time - perfect and spotless under twenty feet of resin.

As for myself ... I wish I was the world's greatest baritone.

[MissTeach]

Wish Granted! You are a member of the world's most famous barbershop quartet! Your group travels all over the world performing for World Royalty and on International televsion. However, due to your busy schedule, you never get to eat anything except FAST FOOD!!! After a year traveling, you have gained 100 pounds and are miserable!


I wish I owned a horse ranch in Australia.

[Student4life]

Wish granted. You buy your horse ranch which costs you millions of dollars but don't have any money left to buy food, much less those horses you were wishing for. Then global warming really kicks up and Australia disappears because the oceans have risen so much.


I wish I could read people minds by just looking at them.

[kingrichie]

Wish granted. Student4life has the amazing ability to read other people's minds. Unfortunately, what's on other people's minds is so depressing that Student4life decides to have a lobotomy and retires to, " The Happy Place."

I wish that I were 27 years old again.

[Chef Dave]

I wish that I were 27 years old again.

POOF! Wish granted!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life! :) You have just turned 27 ... but wait ... tomorrow will also be the first day you turned 27 and the day after that will also be the first day you turned 27 ... and every day from now on through to the end of the eternity, you'll have the joy of reliving the same day over and over and over ...

As for myself ... I wish I had a magic freezer that was always full of all of my favorite foods ...

YUM!

[irish223]

I wish I had a magic freezer that was always full of all of my favorite foods ...

YUM!

POOF! Wish granted! Unfortunately, there is a combination lock on your freezer, and you have forgotten the combination. :D

I wish that politicians were honest.

[Chef Dave]

I wish that politicians were honest.

In a stunning announcement, the Bush administration announces that cold fusion power was invented five years ago and was suppressed by the government due to fears over what might happen to the national economy.

The announcement regarding cold fusion sparks a record single day loss in the DOW as the value of all utility companies takes a sudden nose dive. Transportation takes a major hit as all trucks, trains, planes, and ships now have obsolete, expensive, and environmentally unfriendly power systems. Manufacturing takes another hit ... sparking a national run on the banks as panicked depositors try to recover their savings.

During the next few weeks, Fortune Five Hundred companies fail. Millions of people lose their jobs. Banks foreclose on hundreds of thousands of homes. The collapses of our transportation and manufacturing infrastructure means that very little is being produced ... and items that are being produced have no way of getting to their markets.

Seemingly overnight, food disappears from supermarkets. Restaurants close for lack of supplies. The possibility of famine becomes a major issue in large metropolitan areas. Riots break out at food banks and homeless shelters forcing the mobilization of the National Guard.

The global economy collapses.

Worldwide shortages of resources spark border hostilities that escalate into battles which in turn drag nations into a worldwide war that ends with someone pressing a button that rains nuclear fire throughout the world.

The survivors who live through thermonuclear destruction and the following nuclear winter are sick with radiation poisoning, malnourished, and hopeless about their immediate future.

They die knowing that at least at the end ... we had honest politicians ...

As for myself ... I wish my cats could talk ...

[irish223]

POOF! Your wish is granted!

Your cats can talk, and they talk endlessly. The only problem is that they only speak Aramaic, and you can't understand them. Their constant chattering irritates you. Plus, you are POSITIVE that they're talking about you unkindly.

I wish I could lose weight on a diet of desserts.

[Student4life]

Poof! Granted! You lose weight, lots of weight. Suddenly you only weigh a little less then ten pounds, and the wind keeps blowing you away. Of course, you lost all your weight though!

I wish I could have my own horse.

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could have my own horse.

Wish granted!

A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
And no one can talk to a horse of course
That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mister Ed.

Go right to the source and ask the horse
He’ll give you the answer that you’ll endorse.
He’s always on a steady course.
Talk to Mister Ed.

People yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day
But Mr. Ed will never speak unless he has something to say

A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
And this one’ll talk ‘til his voice is hoarse.
You never heard of a talking horse?

Well listen to this: "I AM MISTER EDDDDD!"

And so you are. You are now Mr. Ed, the talking horse. Of course ... if you're actually caught talking you could wind up in a freak show or under the microscope of some scientist ...

http://www.995thewolf.com/Jocks/Mister%20Ed342.jpg

As for myself, I wish all of my students were on the A/B Honor Roll!

[MissTeach]

Wish granted! But now the administration doesn't think you are doing your job since all your students are succeeding. You're fired!

I wish I would find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!

[Chef Dave]

I wish I would find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Congratulations! You found the pot of gold! Actually, you found an entire depository of gold ... 5,037.5 tons of gold bullion worth an estimated $123 billion.

http://www.prospectorsparadise.com/assets/images/GoldBars.jpg

You are rich ... RICH ... RICH ... beyond your wildest dreams!

Unfortunately since you illegally entered the U.S. Government gold depository at Fort Knox, your excitement is short lived. Armed U.S. Marines throw you to the ground, handcuff you, and drag you off to Federal court where you are charged with grand larceny and sentenced to 25 years in a Federal prison ...

As for myself, I wish nothing bad ever happened to me. HAH! Take that evil genie! (Smirk)

[irish223]

POOF! Wish granted!

Nothing bad will ever happen to you, but to be sure of that you will give up fine wines, creamy cheeses, decadent desserts, driving, sunlight, and everything else that could cause you harm. You end up a recluse in your bubble where nothing bad can ever happen to you.

I wish my cat would stop clawing my sofa.

[Chef Dave]

You end up a recluse in your bubble where nothing bad can ever happen to you.

(wince) :)


I wish my cat would stop clawing my sofa.

Your wish is my command! POOF! Your cat turns rabid and begins clawing your face.

http://images.mooseyscountrygarden.com/welcome-to-my-garden/garden-copyright-angry-cat.jpg

As for myself ... I wish I could finish writing the fantasy manuscript that I've been working on for (gulp) eight years!

[upnorthteacher]

Your wish is my command! You are blessed with an amazing idea for the manuscript, and become so engrossed in writing that you lose all track of time. Unfortunately, days go by without you showing up for work and you are fired. You cannot pay your mortgage and lose house. You just hope that the manuscript gets published so you have a way to support yourself again.

I wish that my children would cook, clean, and do laundry for themselves, without being nagged!

[Chef Dave]

I wish that my children would cook, clean, and do laundry for themselves, without being nagged!

Your wish is my command!

POOF!

Your children develop a taste for burnt grilled cheese sandwiches. Amazingly enough, they use the smoke detector as a kitchen timer. Each and every time they cook, your home is filled with the arid stench of burnt bread and scorched cheese. The children burn their sandwiches until all of the smoke detectors in your home go off!

Your children develop the habit of cleaning up after themselves. They throw silverware, china, glasses, frying pans, and spatulas away after each use.

They also learn to do laundry after a fashion. They wash everything with extra starch and then dry their laundry by spreading their clothing on the sidewalk. Their trousers are so stiff that they could stand upright by themselves. On the brighter side, you will always know where your children are. Just listen for the crackling of their clothing as they move about.

:)

As for myself ... I wish I could eat as much as I wanted without gaining weight!

[superteach]

:)
Wish granted, but now you are able to eat everything, causing a famine in the land. Children go hungry, and all the chicken begin to pluck their own feathers off in order to hide more effectively from the companies who are working very hard to feed you.

I wish that I could teach my students to be quiet.

[MissTeach]

Wish Granted, but now they don't speak at all. No more questions, no more class discussions, no more funny family stories, no more stupid jokes......uh oh, you actually miss their talking!

I wish it would rain!

[upnorthteacher]

Your wish is granted! It begins to rain...then pour. The water keeps pouring from the heavens, night and day. Flooding spreads across the land, and your house floats away. No more gardening, except for hydroponics.

I wish the paint stain on my new carpet would disappear!

[Chef Dave]

I wish the paint stain on my new carpet would disappear!

No problem! POOF!

The stain has disappeared! The carpet has disappeared! In fact ... your ENTIRE FLOOR has disappeared. Beyond your front door there is now a bottomless chasm.

(Evil laugh)

As for myself, I wish I could lose just 20 pounds.

(anticipatory wince) ...

[Boxcar]

You shall lose twenty pounds, but not twenty pounds of fat. You lose your teeth, your hair, your nails, your nose, your tongue, and some toes.

I wish I could finish all my final projects for my courses on time...

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could finish all my final projects for my courses on time...

*POOF* ... you complete your projects at a terrible price ... you have alienated your family and your spouse and your friends ... you have lost your job because you haven't been at work in two weeks ... and you are now hospitalized in a mental institution for nervous exhaustion and depression.

As for myself ... I wish I was twenty years younger ...

[superteach]

Poof! You become twenty years younger, but as you are enjoying your youth, you find out that you have a weird disease which causes you to grow younger, not older. Each day you are a day younger, and year by year, you are not fitting in your clothes and your voice changes back to the young boy you once were. Your wife gets creeped out and decides that you are just too young for her.

By the time you grow back to diapers, you start to lose the skills of talking and walking.

Soon, you just disappear!

I wish that my paycheck was in the bank!

[smithmt]

I wish that my paycheck was in the bank!

Granted: not only does your paycheck get into the bank, but through some virus on finance guy's computer, the direct deposit also directed millions of dollars worth of change from other people's accounts at the bank... the bank notified the feds and you are now under investigation for a dozen related charges.
_______________________________________

I wish I had a curriculum for my remedial reading classes

[smithmt]

Someone dropped this one:


I wish that all the students that want to be in my class are able to fit it into their schedules and that students who really don't want to be here can find somewhere else to go.

Granted: the school has recently hired a Russian lady named Baba Yaga as the new counselor. All the students that no longer want to be in your class are referred the her and she "takes care" of them. making room for those who want to be in your class. Unfortunately, now your school is being closed because of a series of murders in your town... and because of the skull lining fence around Ms. Yaga's house.

[smithmt]

In a stunning announcement...
They die knowing that at least at the end ... we had honest politicians

Wow, how prophetic

[Chef Dave]

I wish I had a curriculum for my remedial reading classes

* POOF *

Wish granted!

You now have a brand new curriculum. Unfortunately it's in Russian.

Учебная программа для лечебного чтения

Curriculum for Remedial Reading

Хорошее везение! Good luck!

As for myself, I wish I had a car that could drive 1,000 miles on a single gallon of gas.

[smithmt]

As for myself, I wish I had a car that could drive 1,000 miles on a single gallon of gas.

Granted:
You are the proud owner of a new Tata E-1,000: the new Fuel cell, electric, cold-fusion, gasoline Hybred manufactured by India's Tata Motors. Commonly referred to as Curry-mobiles, the company who brought the world the $2000 car, now gives us the $20 Hybrid.

Unfortunately, being such a popular item, with so few availible, their Ebay price became more inflated than Tickle-me Elmo at Christmas. This caused them to be the #1 stolen vehicle over Honda Civic, which had a good running. With the Statistics against you, you met your doom in a car jacking... but there's catharsis from the knowledge that the E-1,000's popularity caused Opec to torch their oil fields in the hopes that it would drive up prices for crude. The backlash of which started World War Three, slagging the earth to a cold dark rock with a nice glassy sheen on which the cockroaches play.

Cheers!

I wish I had better dealings with students

[MissTeach]

Wish granted! You discovered the perfect teaching method and can now deal with all types of students in a miraculous way! Problem, you are under such demand for conferences, seminars, and t.v. appearances that you never get to be in the classroom with students!!

I wish I could have my 20 year old body with the knowledge I have now!

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could have my 20 year old body with the knowledge I have now!

* POOF *

Wish granted!

Your mind has been transported back in time. You now have your 20 year old body ... but you also have the same beat up old car ... the same amount of money you had at age 20 ... the same tiny apartment ... and the same boy friend who by the standards of the person you are now is horribly immature.

Although your personal life is a disaster, it occurs to you that your memory of the future will help you avert terrorist attacks.

You contact the police who ask for proof regarding your supposed claims. When you tell them that your future self has been transported back in time to your 20 year old body, you and your 20 year old body find yourself committed to the local psychiatric hospital.

Did you know that when you were in 20, electroshock therapy and lobotomies were still "in vogue?"

Best wishes!

(evil laugh)

As for myself, I wish I was Emperor of the World and that all nations of the planet Earth were obedient vassals to my absolute (but reasonably benevolent) dominion.

[Boxcar]

You are now a Emperor. The entire population becomes so dependant on your rulings that they don't want to make a move without your approval. They don't eat, sleep, bathe, or use the bathroom without seeking your permission. All you do every day is say to long lines of people "Yes, you can use the restroom." and "You really do need a bath." The people are clingy and jealous. They end up fighting each other over signed photos of you. A riot results, and a neclear civil war begins. Somehow, you survive but are the last person on Earth.

I wish I could rewind my life and fix all my mistakes while still remaining smart enough not to make them again.

[smithmt]

I wish I could rewind my life and fix all my mistakes while still remaining smart enough not to make them again.

Granted:
You are now an infant with the intellect of an adult. you find frustration in the patronizing of your parents, so much that you go mad wondering if you were ever an adult to begin with. you find you self in a deep depression. there is only one way out... you take it.

-game over-

Me, I wish my daughter would tear apart the house AND (I know a compound wish counts as two) minded me when I asked her to clean up.

[Stuka]

Me, I wish my daughter would tear apart the house AND (I know a compound wish counts as two) minded me when I asked her to clean up.

Granted... due to either your lack of detail or misspoken phrase, your daughter starts destroying your house - rips it apart. you tell her to stop, however the demolition noise is so loud that she doesn't hear you... until she stops. The bright side is when she's finished, she heeds your plea to clean up after herself and starts putting all of the pieces of your former home into a nearby dumpster.

I wish my professional library was more comprehensive.

[smithmt]

I wish my professional library was more comprehensive.

Done:

Your entire house is filled with books on your content area. It has spilled out of your home office on to your child's bookcases, and your spouses, and you have stacks of books on the floor. unfortunately, your books hindered your cleaning the baseboard heaters in your house, and one cold night, cranking the heaters due to lack of air circulation, a small fire near your front door sealing you in your flaming tomb.

I wish the loud party next door would quiet down.

[Chef Dave]

I wish the loud party next door would quiet down.

No problem! *POOF*

It turns out that the loud next door neighbors are more than your typical obnoxious party goers. They're CANNIBALS!

Having woken their ancestors by playing music loud enough to be heard by the spirits who dwell on the top of La Montagna del Dio Cannibale, the cannibals from next door now go on the rampage, looking for tender flesh to toss in their stew pot.

One of the cannibals has noticed the lights on in your home. Windows crash and the front door is smashed open as hungry cannibals come looking for fresh meat.

http://www.hawaiiguide.com/restau~1/luaus/pcc/pccman.jpg

(evil laugh)

As for myself, my sick cat was healthy.

[smithmt]

http://www.hawaiiguide.com/restau~1/luaus/pcc/pccman.jpg


As for myself, my sick cat was healthy.

Who would have thought that a man wearing a flowered skirt could look so serious?

ahem *poof*

Your cat is now better, however due to the Conservation of Sickness Law, the ailment can neither be created, nor destroyed... it can only go elsewhere. seeing as how you are the closest living thing to your cat, the "funk" is now upon you.
because of the incompatibility of sicknesses between species you have no antibodies to fight off this disease... after weeks of feeling bad, you check into a hospital. The doctors treat you and you recover, but the resulting doctors bills put you into bankruptcy.

as for me: I wish my house was clean

[Chef Dave]

as for me: I wish my house was clean

Your wish is my command! * POOF *

A toddler riding a tricycle across the street causes an unfortunate accident. A north bound truck filled with soap detergent swerves to miss the child. A south bound truck filled with distilled bottled water also swerves to avoid hitting the child.

Both vehicles crash through the front of your home and collide. The force of the collision ruptures water bottles and shreds cases of detergent.

Your home is now bubbling over with a frothy mess of pink soap bubbles which have completely filled the building and are now cascading out the windows.

As for myself ... I hope everything goes well with Thursday's audit. The state director for culinary arts will be auditing my program on Thursday ...

[smithmt]

As for myself ... I hope everything goes well with Thursday's audit. The state director for culinary arts will be auditing my program on Thursday ...

*Poof* granted:

While driving to your school Thursday morning, the state director gets into a debilitating car accident. Because of Arizona's strict food science standards, a replacement was sent out on Friday. fortunately for you the Assistant Director had the IQ (and social skills) of a Kitchen Aide mixer. He seemed to not understand a thing you were saying when you went into details about your program. He did smile and nod enthusiastically when he heard something he understood. Butter, for example, he understood the concept of butter. To cover for his obvious shortcoming on the subject he gave you stellar makes in all categories.


As for me, I wish I understood bureaucracy so I could avoid it.

[Chef Dave]

*
As for me, I wish I understood bureaucracy so I could avoid it.

No problem!

*POOF!*

Unfortunately, since bureaucracy is an unfortunate fact of life that has largely integrated into our society, you are now a squatter living in a log cabin a thousand miles from nowhere in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness.

Unwilling to deal with bureaucracy, you hiked into this wilderness instead of flying.

Unwilling to deal with bureaucracy, you refused to purchase a hunting rifle, so you are armed with a crudely made bow and arrow. You thought you would have time to hunt but winter
winter rolled in early and it's now a toss up as to whether or not you will freeze or starve.

If you weren't adverse to bureaucracy, you could call the state police and be airlifted to hot food and a warm bed in Fairbanks ... but you don't have a cell phone and even if you did, you're far outside the range of the nearest emitter.

Wolves have started to howl in the distance ...

(evil laugh)

As for myself, I wish I had a full time maid service.

[MissTeach]

Wish granted. You have been granted the latest in robot maid service. You have a robot for every room of the house. However, there seems to be a short in the system and the robots sing off key 24/7. But your house is spotless!!

I wish I had an indoor pool!

[Boxcar]

You now have an indoor pool. The drain in your bathtub is stopped up, and no water will go down. Every time you try to step in, the tub overflows. The bathroom is turning into a swimming pool now just as the tub is. You cannot bathe or enter the bathroom. This results in a fleash-eating fungus. You are now skin-and-bones without the skin...

I wish I wasn't tired.

[Karenrbw]

Poof - you are no longer tired. You have been stricken with a severe case of narcolepsy. You are at the front of your classroom with your head on the desk snoring away. The kids are having a blast. There are paper airplanes, paper wads, spit wads, etc flying about. One kid is locked in the closet by the class bully and the principal is right outside the door getting ready to come in and see what all the noise is about.

I wish state mandated tests were outlawed.

[Chef Dave]

I wish state mandated tests were outlawed.

Your wish is my command!

*POOF *

State mandated tests are now prohibited.

Unfortunately, since accountability is still a hot topic, the school board members decide to implement a DISTRICT TEST. They also coordinate with neighboring districts to create a COUNTY TEST. The Feds also get involved and mandate a FEDERAL TEST. Some yahoo at the United Nations also convinces the U.N. to implement an INTERNATIONAL TEST.

With practice tests and practice tests for practice test, instruction basically becomes an endless cycle of testing and retesting and practice testing ... but at least you no longer have state mandated tests ... (evil smirk) ...

As for myself ... I wish my culinary arts program wasn't being audited this year ...

[smithmt]

As for myself ... I wish my culinary arts program wasn't being audited this year ...
*poof* done

You wake up one morning and find yourself VERY cold and on the floor. You look where your window should be and don't see one. You reach for your robe to find nothing is where it should be. Confused, you decide to walk around your "house" a bit before getting ready for the day. Finally, it dawns on you that you are in a cave. you find some animal skins and strap them on before walking outside. you survey the valley outside the cave's entrance. The valley for as far as you can see is white. there are strange creatures wandering around below, but you can't identify them... partly because you haven't had your coffee yet, partly because you've never seen them before. You see some geographical landmarks to the north that look familiar and you guess that you must be SOMEWHERE in Southern Arizona. You try to figure out what happened to you to remember... THAT GENIE!!! figuring that you must be somewhere around the last ice age, you are relieved that your schools Culinary program wont be audited for several thousand years... So, you try to figure out what you can eat for breakfast. It doesn't much matter because a large cat thinking the same thought, already figured it out.

I wish that I could be paid to relax at home.

[Chef Dave]

I wish that I could be paid to relax at home.

Easily done!

* POOF *

Of course ... different people have different ideas about what actually constitutes the concept of "relaxing."

You are now being paid to "relax" in a sadomasochistic household. Mistress Elena, a gorgeous woman dressed in black leather, has chained you in a dungeon cell. You are now hanging naked by your wrists from manacles suspended from the ceiling. Your feet are starting to burn from the hot coals beneath you and the good mistress is cooing over a selection of brass knuckles, knotted whips, and electric cattle prods.

(Evil laugh)

As for myself ... I wish our student customers would eat everything we sold in our student operated restaurant ...

[smithmt]

As for myself ... I wish our student customers would eat everything we sold in our student operated restaurant...

Done *POOF*

Your student customers are now ravenously hungry and they scarf down anything you sell them... but all the food your restaurant can produce cannot calm the storm in the bellies of the customers. While the pacifists in the mob start consuming the flatware, the Malcolm-X types start disassembling the building.

Starting in your restaurant, the angry half of the Mob tare apart the whole school while the calmer kids consume the fodder. At the end of the day, you stand astonished as the cars in the parking lot disappear one by one.

You notice too late that all the other faculty has retreated several hundred yards back while you were enraptured by the carnage. the last thing you remember is one of your least favorite freshman giving your head a twist.

Me, I wish I could stop teaching SpEd and teach theatre again.

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could stop teaching SpEd and teach theatre again.

I hear and obey ... *POOF*

You are now the drama instructor at the Mullenkophf Center for Applied Primate Studies. Your entire cast consists of apes who have been taught American sign language.

Aside from a disturbing tendency to screech, scratch their arm pits, and throw feces, the apes prove to be talented actors.

Like many actors, some of the apes are challenging to work with. Bongo, a 600 lb. Silverback Gorilla, has an artistic difference of opinion that he'd like to "discuss" with you.

http://msnbcmedia1.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/060219/060219_CinGorilla_vmed.widec.jpg

The last director who "discussed" a difference of opinion with Bongo, was left a paraplegic ...

(evil laugh)

As for myself ...

I wish all of my earnings were permanently tax exempt.

[smithmt]

I wish all of my earnings were permanently tax exempt.

*done*

all of your earnings are free from tax, due to the tax reform bill passed by the new session of congress. this causes the Arizona State Legislation to pass all sorts of non-income based tax. the result of which is a 50% tax on most basic items... food, utilities, etc. luxury items like cars, boats, etc. now have a 100% tax on them. the gas tax is now 2.00 per gallon more than normal. the resulting over-taxation results in Arizona citizens revolting against the state, then national governments in an attempt to balance out the economy. much like Luther's reform of the Catholic church, this revolt has unforetold consequences; the US military comes in and squashes the upstart nation of the People's Republic of Arizona, and institutes martial law, which the president has sworn to keep in effect until all insurgence is ended. lucky for you, you died in the first of the riots!

_______________________________________

I wish Chef Dave and I were not the only ones writing on this thread.

[Student4life]

Poof. Granted...Everyone starts writing on this thread...everyone. Even the people who don't teach, toddlers included. Suddenly the system is overloaded and the site can no longer run, but it tries and blows up because of it. There is now a mass crator where the server used to be located and everyone that was within .5 mile of it was killed.

I wish students could tell or atleast notice when I was having a bad day and being really good.

[Chef Dave]

I wish students could tell or atleast notice when I was having a bad day and being really good.

I hear and obey! *POOF*

On a day when you're feeling down, everyone becomes good. They become really really good. They become so good and so polite and so nice that it's really all rather nauseating.

A young man holds a door open for a female student. "After you," he says with a smile.

"Oh no, after YOU," the young woman replies.

"Please, I insist," says the first student.

"Surely not, please go ahead!"

"How could I possibly go before you when you're holding all of those books?"

"Oh it's not bother, please sir, after you."

"No, no, I really must insist. After you."

"I couldn't possibly ..." etc.

The end result is that lines bottleneck at each classroom door ... and you get ticked off.

The more ticked off you get, the more syrupy sweet and annoying everyone else gets. You wind up in a permanent funk seething with rage ... and the world becomes and odd blend of "Happy Days" meets "Leave it to Beaver."

(evil laugh)

As for myself ... I wish I had a magic wallet that was always full of $100 bills.

[Miss T]

**Poof**

You have a wallet filled with 100 bills that must be paid every 2 days. The wallet fills itself with yet another one every time one is paid. You will be faced with $100 "bills" for the rest of your life.


I wish that the Bills and the Sabres would win the Super Bowl and the Stanley Cup in the same year...

[smithmt]

**Poof**

You have a wallet filled with 100 bills that must be paid every 2 days. The wallet fills itself with yet another one every time one is paid. You will be faced with $100 "bills" for the rest of your life.


I believe the evil genie messed up and was unintentionally nice...
wow, lucky you!


I wish that the Bills and the Sabres would win the Super Bowl and the Stanley Cup in the same year...

*Done* by some freak coincidence, The Bills and Sabres with the Super Bowl and Stanley cup... please note... that's not respectively!

No, due to two drunken coaches sitting in a bar (Dick Jauron and Lindy Ruff - That IS respectively) made what seemed like a harmless bet.
Jauron said "Hey, your team sucks so bad I bet my boys could do better"
Ruff retorted, "No way you pompous trout! Their training is all wrong none of your boys could hang with the men on my team!"
Jauron said "Wanna bet?"
Ruff said "YOU'RE ON!"

The following seasons, the Sabres played the NFL schedule and the Bills played on the NHL. most fans outside of New York state were bewildered to say the least. especially those Houston Texans fans. they couldn't seem to grasp the concept of ice being thick enough to skate on... they HAVE heard rumors, but then what do those damn Yankees know?

Well, game by game, the Sabres beat team after team. The only people who seemed to be making anything positive out of this were the Bookies in Vegas. no one could believe that the former NHL Sabres could pull it off. but in the beginning of the new year, they pulled off the ultimate upset! they took the Super Bowl ring! about the time Ruff called Jauron to brag, Jauron called and said. "so, my guys are kicking a$$ and taking names, you wanna pay up now... or be embarrassed?
Ruff spat back, "I just won the Super Bowl you pompous trout!"

Jauron said, "oh, great... what do you want a big shiny silver cup? OH, wait, you only get that if you win in HOCKEY!" and slammed down the phone.

at the end of the season, sure enough... the Bills did it. they won the Stanley Cup... and to this day, they are the only NFL team to have their name on it.

(Thank you to those of you who decided to join our evil crazyness)

As for me, I wish there was more time in the day

[Chef Dave]

As for me, I wish there was more time in the day

As you command! *POOF*

The planet Earth switches places with Mars. The day is now just 39 minutes longer ... but there are now 28,854.16 days (79 Terran years) long.

I hope you like your students. You're going to be spending the rest of your life with them ...

(evil laugh)

P.S. The post about the $100 bills wasn't about bills/currency but rather bills/debt i.e. each bill was an invoice for $100 ...

That was really rather fiendishly clever ...

http://www.ihatecreditcards.com/cardsbills02.jpg

As for myself ... I wish the evil genie could become a nice genie.

Try warping that - evil genie! :)

[Boxcar]

Well, you know how they say intentions are only as good as the people who have them. So, the genie decides to be nice. However, he is innately evil. This means that his "nice" actions are really passive aggressive. They appear nice, but each gift causes an unintentionally chain reaction. You are happy, but every one else is not. So, there are riots and murders.

For example, you want to be a millionaire. Well, the money has to come from somewhere. The genie knows this. So, he takes the money from your collegues. They get angry and attack you. That ends your life journey. You end up dead, but you were happy for awhile...

I wish I always knew the perfect thing to say.

[MissTeach]

Wish granted. You now have to gift of always saying the right thing. However, you have no friends. Your perfection is annoying to other people. No one wants to be around a 'perfect' person. It makes other people uncomfortable, so you now have no one to say the 'perfect' things too.

I wish I could pick which students I have in class......

[Boxcar]

Wish granted.

You now have all the students you want. They are fun, interesting, well-behaved, and love learning.

You feel very happy.

Unfortunately, the students have a half-life sort of thing going on. Like radioactive materials, they begin to break down. First, they forget the homework. Then, they don't pay attention. Next, they misbehave. Soon, they are acting like animals. They are crawling on the floor, climbing on the desks, and they have lost the use of language.

You are at a loss for what to do. Everyone blames you for this breakdown in the perfect students.

You have a breakdown and leave teaching forever. As your new occupation, you clean cages at the zoo.

As for me, I wish I could find the ideal friend with no faults.

[Miss T]

P.S. The post about the $100 bills wasn't about bills/currency but rather bills/debt i.e. each bill was an invoice for $100 ...

That was really rather fiendishly clever ...


thank you, that was what I was going for :)

[smithmt]

As for me, I wish I could find the ideal friend with no faults.

Done:

You have a friend that you can find no faults with... in fact he is SO perfect that just when you can fault him for being too perfect, he messes up... something small of course.

unfortunately, your friend finds MANY faults with you. He wont come out and tell you that you annoy him, but you do get the hint when he seems always busy when you call, and can never seem to get him to commit to hang out.

you see, he's too perfect... but you're not perfect enough.

I wish that the kids in my school were not so silly

[Boxcar]

Granted. The kids become very serious. They have debates about politics, religion, and philosophy. They never laugh or talk about things that are non-academic. One day, you make a joke. This offends the students so much. They feel that a teacher who does not keep the code of seriousness should not be allowed to remain in the school. Suddenly, you find yourself on trial by the student government. You lose the trial and end up being tarred and feathered. Needless to say, you never work in education again.

I wish I never got colds.

[Chef Dave]

I wish I never got colds.

Easily done! You are now the fifth wife of Abdul Al-Haziz, a humble Bedouin herder of camels and goats in the vast Rub' al Khali desert of Saudi Arabia.

Temperatures in this desert soar to 129 degrees Fahrenheit at the height of the summer and just to make everything especially peachy, women are expected to wear long black robes ...

http://www.floridabaptistwitness.com/649.bedouinwoman.jpg.image

As for myself, I wish I didn't have to redo my competency checklists. My building administrator gave me an outdated checklist and I now have to redo all lesson plans to reflect the current instructional objectives that I should have been using. I will also have to redo each student's folder ...

[smithmt]

The kids become very serious. They have debates about politics, religion, and philosophy.


HEY! this would be great!!!

[smithmt]

As for myself, I wish I didn't have to redo my competency checklists.

Done!

Your building admin. realized that asking you to redo your competency is COMPLETELY out of the realm of possibility. because you have reciently been to see your doctor and found to have an illness called Incompetency.

thank you evil genie

I wish book companies didn't charge insane shipping rates

[Boxcar]

Granted. All book companies decide not to offer shipping anymore. So, now there are no insane rates. Instead, you have to go pick up the books yourself. And the warehouses are all based out of Alaska regardless of where the company's headquarters is.

I wish I could get the things I buy online instantly instead of having to wait for the mail.

[Miss T]

Granted. Wherever you are when you order, POOF appears the merchandise. At school, buying on your planning period? POOF a pair of shoes lands on your computer desk. At the library, buying a chair? POOF. There it is, next to you. Now...how do you get it home?

I wish I could get all my kids to pass the state exams.

[Student4life]

Wish Granted! All your kids pass the exam, with a perfect score even. But now the whole school system is being sent to you so that all the kids pass the exams. You have to work the summer and weekends with 18 hour days to get all the kids to pass the exams. Of course, your not getting paid any extra for this. And of course this is all because all your kids were too perfect on there exams.

I wish the technology in my classroom would work all the time, not just when it feels like it.

[Chef Dave]

I wish the technology in my classroom would work all the time, not just when it feels like it.

Your wish is my command! *POOF*

Since your system is the only one which consistently works in your school, teachers are in your class at all hours, logging on to the internet, checking their e-mail, printing stuff out etc.

In time, your system comes to the attention of the assistant administrator who appropriates it for his use. The building administrator takes it from the assistant. The business director takes it from the building administrator. The assistant superintendent takes it from the business director and so on ...

Your computer eventually winds up in the superintendent's office. He didn't really want it, but in your district, a working computer system is a status symbol.

The computer is now gathering dust because although he enjoys having others ooh and ah over the system, the reality is that the superintendent is a bit old-fashioned and really prefers manual typewriters to "new fangled technological gadgets."

(evil laugh)

As for myself ... I wish my new kitten would stop cowering behind my bookcase where she's quite inaccessible.

[smithmt]

How are the others with the new kitten?



As for myself ... I wish my new kitten would stop cowering behind my bookcase where she's quite inaccessible.

*Done*

Your new kitten (who shall hence forth be referred to as Sprinkles: Destroyer of Galaxies) has finally finished brooding over his sinister plot to overthrow the cosmos, he decides to buddy up with the current alpha kitty.

Sprinkles: Destroyer of Galaxies convinces him that together they can control when they eat, how much they eat and where they can sleep, what they can scratch and anything else they mewing want to do! (please note that if I were to translate catlish, I would be barred from the forum)

The first step in Sprinkles: Destroyer of Galaxies is to rid all kittens everywhere of the tyrant (who shall hence forth be referred to as Chef Dave) the cat band, led by Sprinkles: Destroyer of Galaxies, figures that the best time is to trip you when you are walking down the steps. lucky there were enough of Sprinkles: Destroyer of Galaxies' troops to take you out on the first attempt.

Now, on to the second phase of the plan. Sprinkles: Destroyer of Galaxies goes to the pantry and there his semi-evil plan falls apart. without opposable thumbs they can't open the cans of cat food. After scavenging for whatever morsels they could they eventually starve. and what's sadder is that Sprinkles: Destroyer of Galaxies' memoirs have never been found. This means we will never know what Sprinkles: Destroyer of Galaxies' planed for phase three.

I wish every night were a Friday night

[Chef Dave]

How are the others with the new kitten?

The other cats ignored Tabitha ... until I let her out of the pet carrier. Bob (so named because he's a tailless Manx, hence Bob 'the bobcat), got into her face and did his evil vampire hissing routine. Tabitha wedged herself behind the bookcase and began to cry. At some point the other cats lost interest in her and left. When I last looked behind the bookcase, she wasn't there. I have no idea where she is although I hear an occasional mew from somewhere in my home.

If and when I find Tabitha, I think I will isolate her in the back bedroom until she's a bit older and a bit bigger. She's only 7 weeks old and barely fills the palm of my hand.

Even though Bob is a very small cat, he's huge compared to Tabitha.

Poor little Tabitha is scared and lonely. I do NOT want to lose another cat because one of my boys killed her ...


I wish every night were a Friday night

Your wish is my command! Every night becomes Friday night. Unfortunately, since your district doesn't do payroll deposits until Saturday, your bank account soon has a major cash flow problem.

You wind up having to take a job as an exotic male dancer. Ugly women with warts, bad breath, and multiple chins try to fondle you as you gyrate down the runway. Other women throw beer bottles at you, shrilly calling demands for the hunky stud muffin whose act follows your performance.

Since exotic male dancers typically work on Friday and Saturday nights, every night is now a work night. :cool:

http://www.shopinedmonton.com/image/feature/3FAA7FFE5EB849C29733815128CEFEE1.jpg

As for myself, I wish I had a plasma TV.

[smithmt]

Bob (so named because he's a tailless Manx, hence Bob 'the bobcat), got into her face and did his evil vampire hiss.


We had a white tabby that was feral and eventually put down, but when we introduced the new kitty, all hell broke loose. eventually the dust subsided. I hope all goes well with the acclimation.

Other women throw beer bottles at you, shrilly calling demands for the hunky stud muffin whose act follows your performance.

story of my life already... only instead I'm the teacher that the students want to leave.


As for myself, I wish I had a plasma TV.

*Done*

You now posses the newest, latest, greatest, (and biggest) plasma screen TV in the whole state of Arizona! You won it in a contest drawing the Senior class hosted.

-Congratulations!-

However, your elation is short lived when it doesn't fit in the door to your house... lets face it it's the SIZE of your house, it COULD be the out side wall, but then it would short out.

In addition, the amount that the TV is worth, costs you a huge Tax headache because Uncle Sam wants his 20% of the cash value of said TV and he wants it yesterday! (there is a war on you know!) you decide to sell it, and use the cash to buy a smaller one...

no one buys it. everyone knows the trouble you had with it. in fact there was so much Hoop-la that CNBC sent out crews to broadcast your Plasma-TV woes.

Because you caused so much trouble for the school you are treated like a leper for the rest of your carreer... and you still own the worlds largest plasma jumbo-tron... it makes a good umbrella between the drive and the door to your house for the three times it rains in Arizona each year.

me, I wish the certification tests I took in Texas were accepted in lieu of the Praxis.

[Chef Dave]

I wish the certification tests I took in Texas were accepted in lieu of the Praxis.



No problem! *POOF*

A pro-Texas mania sweeps the nation. "Rhinestone Cowboy" bars start popping up in South Dakota. The Lone Star Restaurant becomes an overnight national sensation. The Austin American Statesman becomes as well circulated and respected as the New York Times.

School systems in South Dakota now accept certification tests in lieu of the Praxis.

In the meanwhile, teens in South Dakota begin aping their Texan counterparts. Teen pregnancy, school violence, student obesity, and high school drop out rates all go up. Student test performance goes down.

The South Dakota state legislature adopts a page out of the Texas legislature "handbook." Ninety-five percent of the tax revenue created by higher property tax values are diverted to the state instead of going to the schools ... leading to financial woes for local schools.

The end result is that your job is cut because of insufficient funding ...

(evil laugh)

As for myself, I wish Tabitha the Kitten would decide to sleep beside me instead of having to sleep on top of me.

She likes sleeping on my chest ... which is fine when I'm reading but not so fine when it's time for me to turn out the lights since I like to sleep on my side.

If I remove Tabitha and roll over onto my side, she will try and perch on the side of my shoulder ... and since the side of my shoulder isn't as wide as my chest, she has a disturbing tendency to "hang on" by digging in her little claws ...

It is now 3:19 AM ... and I haven't been able to get to sleep ... YAWN ...

[Boxcar]

Granted.

Tabitha is now sleeping beside you. Oddly enough, she has also started to grow. She gets bigger and bigger until there is no room left in the bed. You end up sleeping on the floor. This hurts your back, and you are destined to spend the rest of your days there as you cannot move an inch.

I wish that I get really good grades on my two upcoming exams - very scary ones.

[Chef Dave]

I wish that I get really good grades on my two upcoming exams - very scary ones.

No problem!

You score a 100/A+ on both exams. Unfortunately, so did everyone else in your class. It doesn't help that all written answers are also word for word identical.

The exams are disqualified because of cheating.

Oh well ... (evil laugh)

As for myself, I wish my building administrator would allow me to raise menu prices beyond the $2.00 limit so that I could defray rising food costs ...

[Boxcar]

Oh... I really hope that doesn't actually happen with my exams... My brain has become mushy with studying.

As for your wish, it has been granted. You are allowed to raise your prices to any level you see fit. However, the students begin to boycott the resturant in protest. Every day, you contiune to make lovely dishes. No one buys though. Because no one is buying, it is decided that the resturant will close. You lose your job, the students in your classes drop out in protest, and soon everyone at the school is so busy picketing for one side or the other that school can't go on. Mass chaos rains. And it is the beginning of the end.

I wish I could learn by without having to study - sponge-style.

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could learn by without having to study - sponge-style.

http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070416/070416_spongebob_vmed_1p.widec.jpg

Congratulations! You are now SpongeBob. People run screaming from you when you go to take your exams because although the concept of a walking articulate sponge is fine for a cartoon, the reality is actually quite alien.

Animal control is initially summoned. A nearby university hears about you and arrives to "adopt" you. Scientists from applied linguistics, biology, and zoology fight over custodial rights. The argument is brought to an abrupt end when a two star general from the Pentagon arrives in a hooded biohazard suit with an attached air tank. Military personnel in biohaazrd suits take you into custody. You are taken to Area 51 where you are interrogated about which star system you came from and how you landed on the planet Earth. Military interrogators have an interesting program planned that includes electroshock therapy, selective surgery, and exposing you to heat without the benefit of moisture ...

As for myself ... I wish my home had central air-conditioning. Like many residents in Arizona, I rely on a swamp cooler. A fan in the attic blows cool air evaporating out of a water pad throughout air vents in the house. The problem is that swamp coolers are not very effective on humid days.

[Boxcar]

I also would love central air. Window units are fine, but they are so noisy!

Your wish is granted. You now have a nice central air system. Unfortuantely, no one remembered to install a thremostat. Your house becomes terrribly cold. The doors and windows freeze shut. Snow begins to fall. You aren't sure where it is coming from, but it sure is coming down fast. You try to stay awake, but end up dozing off. Your body takes the oppertunity to hibernate, and you can guess the rest. (By some lucky chance, all your cats were in the yard. They are safe and sound.)

[Boxcar]

Oops. I forgot to include a wish. Easy one, this wish: I wish I never forgot anything!

[Chef Dave]

I wish I never forgot anything!

*POOF*

Forgetting things is sometimes a psychological defense mechanism that helps people ease emotional trauma. Unable to forget anything, you develop an unfortunate tendency to relive some of the most disturbing and upsetting moments of your life.

Unable to sleep because of vivid nightmares created by your memories, you develop a sleep disorder which leads to chronic fatigue and depression.

You are now living in a state institution where men and women in white medical coats have sedated you and placed you in a strait jacket.

You wish you could forget having ever made this wish ... but you can't forget anything ...

(evil laugh)

As for myself, I wish I could sell my B&B in Pennsylvania ...

[smithmt]

As for myself, I wish I could sell my B&B in Pennsylvania ...

Done, PDOT has decided to add to their current toll road system. this is good news for most of the state as the one road will relieve traffic in several major cities. unfortunately, the right of way goes through your beautiful Bed and Breakfast, which you have painstakingly renovated from the ancient shell it was. you have been trying to sell it for a while, but do to the threat of Eminent Domain, you are being forced to sell it at "Fair Market Value" which has recently been established by the state as $20,000. feeling this is unfair, you lodge a protest as the building is a year away from being on the Pennsylvania historic register. the state feels it urgent to buy and demolish it before it can be protected by such measures, and says you can either accept the $20,000 or they will take it from you and give you $1000 as "Fair Compensation." you this this is unfair, but you find that the judge that would be dealing with this is a close friend of the politician who pushed legislation forward to add this toll-road, and there is not a snowball's chance that he would recuse himself on this matter, despite the conflict in interest. you decide to bend over and take the $20,000.

As for me, I wish that I was already moved into my house

[Chef Dave]

As for me, I wish that I was already moved into my house

Easily done! Unfortunately, since there appears to have been a miscommunication about your move in date, you awake to find workmen from the Three Good Fellows Painting Company in your bedroom at 5 AM.

http://www.affordablehousinginstitute.org/blogs/us/Three_stooges_doctor_small.jpg

"Ohhhhh ... not to worry mister," said the foreman. "We'll be finished in a jiff."

He rolls a tarp over you, trapping you and your wife on the bed.

A heavy set fellow climbs on top of the bed and literally steps on top you. "Hold still," he whines as he tries to paint the wall a hideous shade of lime green.

The men splatter paint over your wall.

I hope you weren't fond of your wedding photos. Curly just painted them over. He also painted over your windows, your curtains, your doors, and your pet. Nyeuk-Nyeuk-Nyeuk

As for myself, I wish my old 1910 era home had central A/C.

[Parker]

I wish my old 1910 era home had central A/C.

Done!
However, the day your central A/C goes online you find you experience no relief from the excruciating Arizona heat. You go see your personal physician who tells you your thyroid gland has shut down working and the only way you will experience cooler temperatures again is to have a massively expensive operation to remove the malfunctioning gland. You help pay the co-pay on your insurance for the operation by hocking your new central A/C unit. Easy come - easy go!

I wish I was graduating with my bachelors degree this May instead of next May!

[silvana]

Wish granted

You will graduate from university this May, however your degree will only be valid in 3 places Bogota, the Sahara desert and Weston super mare.


I wish I could sing

[Chef Dave]

I wish I could sing

Easily done! *POOF*

Have you ever seen the movie, Sister Act? A carabet singer who witnessed a murder hides in a convent, disguised as a nun. Whilst hiding in the convent, she forms a children's choir and leads them on to victory at a state competition.

Having heard your beautiful lilting voice and having recently seen the movie, Sister Act, your headmaster speaks of you in glowing terms to the local bishop.

In exchange for two science teachers, a trophy winning football coach (soccer, not U.S. football), and a half dozen primary teachers, your school "trades" you with another dioce.

You suddenly find yourself teaching choir at a run down school in the worst part of London with 75 hooligans whose uniforms purport them to be Catholic school children.

Good luck! Evil laugh! (And look ... I did get you out of your home!)

As for myself, I wish my van could run on distilled water instead of gasoline.

[silvana]

Hmmm wish granted, you are now the proud owner of the only distilled water car in the whole world. You will also recieve free water for the rest of your life (albeit short as it will be given your wish granting expertise)

Unfortunately the road tax for distilled automobiles is in excess of 1 million pounds and there are only 3 highways you are allowed to drive on. Needless to say none are in Arizona. But hey for an eco warrior like you this is nothing hahaha

I wish I wasn't so funny !!!

..and yes you got me out of my house =(

[Chef Dave]

I wish I wasn't so funny !!!


After a constable stops you for speeding, you decide to crack the following jokes.

1) "How fast was I going? Obviously not fast enough."

2) "Did I know that the right lane was only for passing? Absolutely and that's precisely what I was doing. What? Who was I passing? Darn near everyone until you showed up!"

3) "Is that a nightstick or are you just happy to see me?"

4) "Oh constable ... could you please hurry this process up. The naked child stuffed in the boot is running out of air."
http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/040302/040302_vmed_bobby_1p.widec.jpg

Instead of amusing the constable, your jokes land you in prison. You lose your job and lacking any source of income, you lose your home.

Somewhere along the line, you also lose your sense of humor.

(Evil laugh)

As for myself ... I wish I could find a million dollars worth of rare gems while excavating the back yard to install a fresh water pond.

[silvana]

You are pure evil sir!!!!! what kind of mind thinks up that stuff......??????

wish granted
While installing a pond thingy in your garden you find some precious gems. You immediately sell them and become incredibly rich. So rich that every gold digga north of the equator makes a bee line for you. You fall in love and she persuades you to give up your home, friends and family and your dam cats.
She makes you take her shopping everday for 4 hours then you go to the beauty parlour and have all your parts waxed and polished etc etc
One day she asks you to marry her which you do and she hires a hit man to kill you, which he does she takes your money and is now living in paris with some euro trash called pablo!!!!!

I wish I could eat chocolate and never gain weight?

[smithmt]

wish granted
While installing a pond thingy...
Ever so well-spoken, the British . :p I guess I don't recall the Ground Force team ever installing a water feature in a garden.

I wish I could eat chocolate and never gain weight?

*DONE*

You are now blessed with the delightful ability to consume massive amounts of Chocolate with out gaining an ounce. You are ECSTATIC! You go purchase a crate of Cadbury Flake, and a metric ton of Chocolate coated Turkish Delight, and Mars bars out the wazoo! You find yourself purchasing more Milky Bars than ever before. Ignoring the inquiring stares from the Bury townsfolk, you drive off to your house loaded down with chocolate.

At home, you begin your chocolaty binge. Your children pause as they see you tear through Smarties, and Areo Bubbles. They pull you from your revelry, by asking what's for dinner. you realize it's not good to have pudding (Dessert for us yanks) before the evening meal, so you go to the kitchen and start making food. When you are finished supping, you continue with your choco-indulgence! the next morning, you wake feeling more tired than you did before going to bed. you eat your Wheetabix and drink your tea, and head out for the day munching a Flake that you continually dip in sherbert (a powder substance like dip-n-licks in the US) you feel weak despite the calorie intake. By the evening your feeling too weak to move.

At your autopsy, they discover that the food you were eating was not being absorbed into your system. you died of starvation.

As for me, I wish my headache would go away

[Chef Dave]

As for me, I wish my headache would go away

No problem. While touring a Federal prison, you somehow get separated from your group and wind up in a cell with infamous serial murderer, Charles Manson.

You no longer have to worry about a headache because you no longer have a head ... (evil laugh)

As for myself ... I wish the primary votes in Florida and Michigan could count for Hilary Clinton.

[silvana]

[QUOTE=smithmt;24006]Ever so well-spoken, the British . :p I guess I don't recall the Ground Force team ever installing a water feature

Ouch!!!!!! (kicks dirt) I do not have to come online to be insulted, dam it sir, I can just walk into the staffroom ~~~>

Ok so now my English has been called into disrepute I must revert to standard English(BUMMER!)
*wish granted *

Due to votes counted in Florida, Hilary Clinton is duly elected to office. One of the first measure the Lady President implements is the banning of culinary arts in high schools. her reasoning .....the teachers who teach this subject are responsible for encouraging 95% of crime in the USA.

Consequently these teachers will now be seconded to schools in the Scottish Orkney Islands. Due to the lack of any type of fuel they will be forced to live off their survival skills. Unfortunately, because of the incredible appetite of some of these teachers it is clear that cannabalism will become the norm. With the largest body masses being eaten first (haha)

*** I wish I was in St Lucia***

[Chef Dave]

*** I wish I was in St Lucia***

No problem!

You are now intombed within the crypt of Saint Lucia. For that matter, since you specified "in" St. Lucia, you find yourself lying admist dry bones.

http://www.stmarylebow.co.uk/images/crypt.jpg

Enjoy your rest (in peace) ...

Evil laugh

As for myself, I wish oil prices would drop from a record high of $134/barrel to a mere $6/barrel.

[smithmt]

Ever so well-spoken, the British . :p I guess I don't recall the Ground Force team ever installing a water feature

Ouch!!!!!! (kicks dirt) I do not have to come online to be insulted, dam it sir, I can just walk into the staffroom ~~~>


I meant no offense. I was just thinking of my family. I have an entire side of the family that is British, including my father (he was born in Sculthorp (with the RAF base, not Scunthorp where the Nuclear plant is) I also had many friends that were part of an exchange with my University. I appreciate your vernacular and PLEASE don't change it. I will not comment again. And I honestly do not remember a Ground Force episode where they put in a pond... but I don't get to watch BBC too much.


As for myself, I wish oil prices would drop from a record high of $134/barrel to a mere $6/barrel.

*DONE*

A Mafia family exploring other planets in the solar system in several hush-hush operations, discovered that on the moon IO, around Saturn, once had life and now, oil. They have mounted an expedition, and retrieved billions of barrels easily, not having to fight with ecology experts. After constructing a super tanker to bring this black gold back to earth the news of the project slipped to the media resulting in a commodities market crash. Barrels of oil went to 6 dollars. Investors in oil lost everything. The commodities market spread to the Stock Exchange in every trading center in the world as speculators swooped in like vultures to a corpse, in the attempt to stabilize the floundering economy.

OPEC, loosing their control of oil, decided to eliminate the threat of this super tanker. the Arabs decided that a military strike was impossible, but missile strike was the best idea. They launched a missile loaded with tons of oxygen to help burn up the oil. it struck, and destroyed all of the oil. what didn't burn in space showered down to earth and burned up in the atmosphere releasing poisonous carbon monoxide (CO) into the air. Being lighter than air it remained in the atmosphere. However the increased levels of CO combined other atmospheric constituents (Methane, Hydroxyl, etc) and created great amounts of Carbon Dioxide and Ozone raising the surface temperature of earth by five degrees - exacerbation the global warming trend.

The Countries of the Kyoto Accords become disheartened that the work they have done is in vain, and despite their best efforts, the sea levels are rising. The currents of the ocean are stopped, and the earth begins to freeze from the poles toward the equator.

The world slowly dies.

But, gasoline is only 98 cents per gallon.

______________________________________________


As for me I wish I could skip the commencement for seniors

[silvana]

I meant no offense. I was just thinking of my family. I have an entire side of the family that is British, including my father (he was born in Sculthorp (with the RAF base, not Scunthorp where the Nuclear plant is) I also had many friends that were part of an exchange with my University. I appreciate your vernacular and PLEASE don't change it. I will not comment again.

:Dnar its ok me ducks I wasn't takin u so seriusssss reeeelly I wasn't :pand please feel free to comment on my English I know I am going to comment on yours hahahah







______________________________________________


As for me I wish I could skip the commencement for seniors

*****by power vested in me by the holy state of evilness I grant your wish ******

You no longer have to go to the commencement for seniors.......whatever the hell that is.......
...in return for this fantastic wish you will spend your life......what little there is left of it.........haha.....buying prom dresses for all the girls at your school......painting toe nails and giving boy advice.....ahhhhhhh

My wish is that one day chef dave will find out he was really born a woman ......

[smithmt]

I haven't been called duck in years!

You no longer have to go to the commencement for seniors.......whatever the hell that is.......

It's the graduation ceremony.

My wish is that one day chef dave will find out he was really born a woman ......

Chef Dave, on his "Off-Beat Culinary Tour - UK" (A tour Company that sets up restaurants to visit while avoiding the major spots so you can sample local favorites) was visiting the Lime House in York. [which the Evil Genie finds hysterically named, being a restaurant owned and operated by limies] Dave continues his tour avoiding the M62 and taking the A58 to Bolton, his next stop.

While in Transit, Chef Dave gets a call from his mum (mother). The conversation gets rather deep for a long distance call while on vacation in the car. Several things get said that spark questions about Dave's childhood and culminating in Dave's mom revealing that Dave was originally Davina, because he was born a she. The shock of this revelation sends Dave into a confused state, so much that he forgets where he is and realizes that he should be on the other side of the road and so he swerves to his right