SHOCKING but HeLp!!! plzz

[male teacher]

hi everyone
I kno this may be frowned upon and I don't want any lectures... i just want to make sure I'm normal...

I always get crushes/desires for my teenage female students (high school teacher-teens 16/17/18) ...I would NEVER act upon it..but I wanted to ask whether any other male teachers at school experience similar things....If so, please tell me your age and what drew you to the person/ what the case was....

Plz people don't go crazy, this is a genuine request for ur advice and to make sure I'm not the only one.

PLEASE REPLY!! thankyou

[male teacher]

I will be checking the thread every day for your replies.
Thankyou

[mopar]

I am not a male teacher, but I can see thinking a student is pretty or dresses well or is intelligent. I believe that noticing these things are very normal. However, wanting to date or anything more to a student is not normal. Maybe you like to talk to the student because they have good ideas. I can't really see myself developing a "crush" on a student like I would on someone my own age.

[Oak Tree]

'Crush' does sound pretty creepy.

[male teacher]

why? Please be more specific...I mean they're younger, prettier and well mature for their age. Can't you see it from my point of view? Surely you've had student crushes in the past?...or maybe u havent....either way, plz let me kno.

thanks

[madwoods]

Yuck. As a mother of a pretty and smart girl...Yuck. Mopar's right. Enjoying a student's personality etc. is one thing "desires" is another. Yuck.

[upnorthteacher]

Noticing that a student is attractive, intelligent, mature is one thing. Developing feelings for them is disturbing. Please talk to a counselor before it becomes more of a problem. Just don't make it a counselor at your school; that would put them in a horrible ethical bind.

[Oak Tree]

why? Please be more specific...I mean they're younger, prettier and well mature for their age. Can't you see it from my point of view? Surely you've had student crushes in the past?...or maybe u havent....either way, plz let me kno.

thanks

I haven't.

Just the term 'crush' implies a sense of equality when in fact there's an extreme power differential. If some man told you he got 'crushes' on five-year-olds that would creep you out, wouldn't it? What you're saying isn't THAT disturbing but it's the same principle. Saying you get crushes on students sounds to me like an immature way of saying 'I'm secretly desirous of the opportunity to sexually exploit the students with whom I have been entrusted.'

[sweetsass]

"Mature for their age" is the part that gets me.

A student may be far beyond their years, but never ever forget that they are their age. They may act mature, but they lack life experience and aren't fully matured yet. Don't fool yourself. And get help quickly.

[male teacher]

ok ok...let me get something straight...first i said in my initial post i would NEVER act upon how i felt...and that part doesn't change, so everyone who's saying 'get help', 'see a counsellor' needn't worry..I wouldn't do anything crazy! I still do have brains!:D
But for the most part...thanks everyone 4 ur advice, ive put it to heart

More posts/replies are welcome

[FrazzleDazzle]

It sounds to me like male_teacher is saying that he finds some female students attractive, possibly feeling distracted during class and feeling his pulse react to their presence, but that he knows a relationship other than teacher-student would be inappropriate. Is that a correct assessment of what you said? From that, there is no reason to think he is doing anything wrong or plans to.

From what I understand, which is (of course) only secondhand, this kind of thing is... well, part of the way male sexuality works. That is, visual stimulation is important. However, that doesn't mean someone will act on those feelings.

Are there any other male teachers on this board? I would be interested in what they thought of this.

[hassell]

My husband teaches High School and is in his younger 30's. He said that he has never developed a "crush", but does notice that some of the girls will develop into attractive women. We have 3 girls of our own, so he said the girls he teaches always remind him of our girls. He also said that if someone was fresh out of college (20ish) he could see how they might have a "crush" on some of the 17 or 18 yr olds, but even then he felt that crush was too strong of a word.

[male teacher]

FRAZZLEDAZZLE... thankyou for summing up EXACTLY how i feel :D
uve hit the nail on the head!

its actually quite interesting to see a range of reactions to my post.
Keep posting/replying and thankyou
Also, to any other male teachers on this board, plz post, I'd like to see what u thought of this.

[sweetsass]

male teacher, the title of this post contains the word "help." Your original post states that you "want to make sure you're normal." Frazzledazzle makes this assumption: "that he knows a relationship other than teacher-student would be inappropriate." But nowhere in your original post did you say you know that relationship would be inappropriate.

YES, it is abnormal to "always" get crushes on your female students. Good teachers are there to teach, as a school is a place of business. And you have no business having crushes on young females.

You agree with frazzledazzle that you'd "never" act on those crushes, but who's to say you won't? A lot of child molesters and child rapists originally told themselves that.

A whole bunch of other teachers on this forum told you to get help, and/or told you that you aren't exhibiting normal feelings. Yet you latch on to the one person who didn't say that. It looks like you're just here to get validation for your messed up urges. When you ask for "help," don't complain about the advice you get.

And get some help, for god sakes, before one of your "crushes" turns into something horrible.

[male teacher]

TO SWEETSASS and others

ok ok...i get it and i see ur point...guess i hav been a bit 'purposefully negligent' of certain posts. but...
i Kno a teacher-student thing is unappropriate and i do have strict boundaries and i would never cross the line, plz understand that...though its not illegal to like someone in ur head. Age is just a number and for crying out loud - ur acting like im a grandpa whos about to rape a 8 year old kid! teens are not 'children'..in fact after a year they're 'adults'.

i just wanted 2 make sure my feelings were normal..that wouldnt give me a green light to do anything...and i mean that 100%. im not that type of guy! i dont show it, i dont flirt, i dont hint it...nothing! its all in my head ok? u act lik im a monster on the loose or something.

oh and by the way, sorry if ive offended anyone, and thanx for all ur advice :) whether i liked it or not:D

[mkcornflower]

Age is not just a number when you are talking about young females and adult males. Your feelings are not normal. They are the normal feelings of a child molester or rapist, but not for a normal adult. It sickens me that you are using this forum as a way to justify the way you feel towards your students. If you feel that way, you have no right to be a teacher. It is just a constant temptation to you and is morally/ethically wrong. It may start out as "just a crush" that you will "never" act upon...then it turns into an obsession, thinking about the girl/girls constantly and imagining them being in love with you or whatever...next thing you know, your picture is on the 6 o'clock news, along with hers, as the last person she was seen with and if anyone know your whereabouts, call the police immediately. Not cool, man.
You may not want to hear it, and I'm sure you won't listen or take any of our advice, but you NEED to seek help..before it's too late. PLEASE!!!!

[bblake4192]

The part that sticks out to me is the word "always", as in, "I always get crushes..."
This implies that this happens every day, every class, etc.

I know you said that you would never act on it, which is good. But the frequency of the thought tells me that it is on its way to becoming an obsession? This may be why some teachers are suggesting you get counseling.

You sound like you may be quite young, but please remember, no matter how mature these girls may think they are or may act, they are very young emotionally.

Any advice we give you will be hollow (focus on the topic, don't think of them that way, etc.). If the thoughts are things you can't control, even if you can control your actions, perhaps it would be wise to seek counseling. This is your career you're talking about.

Good luck.

[Oak Tree]

I suspect this guy isn't even a teacher but just someone who gets a kick out of getting a rise out of people on the Internet.

[sweetsass]

I suspect this guy isn't even a teacher but just someone who gets a kick out of getting a rise out of people on the Internet.


After his last post to me, I realized he is probably a teen posing as a teacher. Teachers don't use "ur" in sentences.

[male teacher]

thanks for all the advice
In response to oak tree and sweetass, yes I am a qualified history teacher and am in fact part of the HTAV.

i use slang, etc, because as blake correctly suggested, i am young (23)...and only recently graduated, new to teaching.

Nonetheless, i gather the word 'always' may have relayed false information pertaining to my state of mind. I don't 'always' get crushes...it happens every now and then.
Once again, I appreciate your advice and expressed concerns.

[Mr. Larrabee]

To all: This question is perfectly normal for a new male teacher to ask. Some people have already noted it, but I'll repeat with my own spin. Humans are biological creatures, answerable to their biological wants and needs. For this question to arise, and the fact that he has put it into the open, where he has already suffered a variety of insults, I believe offers the fact that he really wants to hear others' opinions.

To Male Teacher: First and foremost, you are a young man, barely past the age of reasonable self-responsibility. By 23, I had chased skirts, convinced myself that I was in love with the woman I'd marry, and equally certain that given the chance, I'd date any woman who gave me the time of day. What I mean to say by all this is that 23 is hardly seasoned, and all these options of feelings and responses are all present.

To All: Who (at 20-22) hasn't considered dating most of their classmates in a college class, evaluated who they thought would be a good or a bad date? Is 23 really that far off? What the O.P hasn't mastered yet is the distinction that these aren't peers (despite everyone elses' assumptions that THAT fact was obvious).

To Male Teacher: I'd ask that you consider how much time you're spending at work as opposed to how much time you spend socially. Is it a wide gap? Chances are, as a new teacher, it isn't so much a gap as it is the Grand Canyon. If so, the lack of a social outlet might intensify these feelings, and you're forced to cast them upon students.

Suggestions: Wear a tie everyday (it remind students (and you too!!) of the power difference in the room). Skip a few duties to socialize with other staff as much as possible. When helping a student, always crouch down beside the desk (yes, I'm referring to the down-shirt view that is way too easy) and turn so you're both facing the student's book. Get your work done early and try to get out with other adults.

[NativeEnglTeacher]

It's the same old probem. Members of the workplace cannot deal with members of the opposite sex at work as they do in their private lives. You have to view those you deal with as co-workers or subordinates and not as male or female. An educator has to be mindful of his/her leadership responsibility towards his/her students.
I suggest you make a greater effort to make more close friends your own age among other language teachers. This will help you maintain the appropriate distance from your students.

[male teacher]

To Mr. Larrabee,

I really really value your advice. Thankyou for understanding, and yes I was quite put off by a number of insults or 'implied' insults - all of which made me feel inferior and not normal.

I will aspire to widen my social circle, which i could definately benefit from. Furthermore, thankyou once again for your integrity and wise advice. I have taken it all to heart.

also- thankyou native english teacher.

[Chef Dave]

I always get crushes/desires for my teenage female students (high school teacher-teens 16/17/18) ...I would NEVER act upon it..but I wanted to ask whether any other male teachers at school experience similar things....

I am a male high school teacher. Although I have noted that many of our female students are pretty - so what? That's as far as it goes. I am far less concerned with personal appearance and more concerned about attendance, participation in class, and how students interact with one another on group projects.

I am sorry to say that one of my colleagues had an attitude that was similar to yours. Unable to resist his impulses, he set up a video camera in a girls' changing room. He was caught and has been charged with voyeurism, surreptitious photography, attempted voyeurism and attempted surreptitious photography. These are all class 5 and 6 felonies.

This man will never teach again. He has lost his job. He has lost his pension. He will more than likely lose his wife and his home. When he gets out of prison he will be a registered sex offender.

In Arizona, a class 6 felony with no priors is punishable by 2-3 years in prison. A class 5 felony with no priors is punishable by 2.5 to 4 years in prison.

This teacher faces a possible total of 9 to 14 years in prison simply because he was stupid and gave in to his carnal impulses.

In the meanwhile, his behavior has cast aspersions on my school and on my district. He has betrayed the trust of the school board, the school administration, and the local community.

All of the good we have done as teachers has been negated by this incredibly stupid and self-centered act.

http://www.eacourier.com/articles/2007/11/05/local_news/doc472bd4c8cc63f971050242.txt

[Chef Dave]

I was quite put off by a number of insults or 'implied' insults - all of which made me feel inferior and not normal.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You asked if your feelings were normal.

If you are simply noting that female students are pretty, that's fine.

If you are noting that female students are pretty and find yourself being obsessed by thoughts of how pretty your students are, then you have a problem.

I think you need to seek professional help. God help you if you act upon your impulses because you will surely ruin your life as well as profoundly changing the life of your victim.

And yes, I said victim ... because if you were to give in to your impulses and your relationship with a student became intimate, you would have a serious legal problem. Statutory rape does not recognize a minor's consent to have sex. As the adult, you are supposed to be responsible and if you have relations with a minor, you WILL be held responsible.

Even if your state has a lower age limit for the "age of consent," this doesn't let you off the moral hook.

You cannot have inappropriate relations with a student. As a teacher, you have authority over a student. You have a moral obligation to look out for the best interest of the student.

If you can't control yourself, you have no business being in a classroom.

[Chef Dave]

I am sorry to say that one of my colleagues had an attitude that was similar to yours. Unable to resist his impulses, he set up a video camera in a girls' changing room. He was caught and has been charged with voyeurism, surreptitious photography, attempted voyeurism and attempted surreptitious photography. These are all class 5 and 6 felonies.

The teacher in question was arraigned on November 19th. He was charged with 14 counts of voyeurism, surreptitious photography, attempted voyeurism and attempted surreptitious photography.

With the exception of his truck, he has signed over all assets to his wife and has filed for divorce. He is now unemployed and homeless.

His trial is set for early March.

http://www.eacourier.com/articles/2007/11/21/local_news/doc47446aa6590a4151503831.txt

[Chef Dave]

Male Teacher - I hope the real life and on-going story of how a 60 year old teacher wrecked his career, lost his home, and ended his marriage is getting through to you.

Again this person was until quite recently, one of my high school colleagues.

I understand that you say you would never act on your feelings.

I also hope you understand the reality of what could happen to you should your temptations lead you astray.