Teacher-Teacher Conflict Emergency!!!

[jason]

Hello to all! First off, let me say that I am the husband of a first grade teacher. My wife has been teaching first grade for 11years, all at the same building. You couldn't find a more agreeable and personable person. She has been an extremely hard worker and is beyond dedicated to her profession. She is ususally the first to start and the last to leave! She has had no problems until around 1-1/2 years ago. A very close colleague (one of the other 1st grade teachers in her team) began dating my wife's brother. Although both my wife and I raised the caution flag to her brother (both persons had just gone thru bad divorces among other baggage), it fell on deaf ears and the relationship began. It was not long before the relationship began to deteriorate and the effects leaked into the workplace for my wife. She was too close to the situation and feelings were hurt. The other teacher spoke about her relationship problems to other teachers in the school, which of course got back to my wife. Non-truths were being told and my wife did her best to distance herself from the situation. However, she was boiliing inside, and over time - this build up until she formed such a severe hatred for her colleague that things became unmanageable.

A confrontation started by the other teacher set off a series of reports being files by both teacher, with my wife filing the first 2 reports, and of course once the other teacher found out, she filed against my wife.

Long story even longer, this colleage has a history of 'situations' with other teachers, and there is currently another first grade teacher (one of my wife's closest colleages) who has file a separate incident report against this woman as well!

Now we (because I am also living this nightmare with my wife) are in the first stages of mediation. My wife met with the mediatior and while she felt rushed thru the meeting, was generally pleased with how the meeting went.

But after the other 2 colleages also went thru the first meeting, it looks like there is no resolution in sight. This has taken a huge toll on my wife and she is considering quitting after this school year. She has her master's in education, and I can't see her giving all this up, no matter the outcome. She is terrified of being transferred! I feel helpless, and I thing that involving the administration is the only way to get the 'truth' of this situation out in the open.

I need some advice, quickly. We are good people, and my wife thought she was standing up to an injustice, but the process seems to be working against her and for the conflicting teacher!!!!!!!

HELP!

[TubbyTeacher]

How did it work out?

Generally, T2T conflicts in my district are dealt with through dismissal or transfer.

[amanda]

I think that this teacher needs to stop acting like a teenager. I work with teenagers and they are more civilized than this other teacher. Be there for your wife let her blow off some steam.Your wife should not change but look past this as much as it is hard. I can't give you anymore advice. I truly hope you guys can fix this.
Sincerely,
Amanda

[teach1027]

I would definately get the administration involved, and if your wife is a member of a union call them, that's what they are there for.

[Chef Dave]

(sigh)

This is precisely why I never date teachers at my school. If a relationship goes south, it makes for a very difficult working relationship.

This is also why I don't eat in the lounge. Some teachers can be horrible gossips.

Since your wife already has a mediator, I don't think that anything else can really be done.

The only thing I can think of is to have your wife document all future incidents with this person. Documentation should include, date, time, location, what was said, and whether or not there were any witnesses to the conversation.

I would also advise your wife to behave with decorum. As tempting as it might be to vent at this person, I think she needs to refrain from giving this person additional ammunition to use against her. Advise her to maintain as professional a relationship as she can possibly manage.

[kingrichie]

I agree. Your wife really needs to try and remove herself from the situation as much as possible. Avoid side conversations. Focus on the kids and teaching. Winter Break is almost here. That will allow time for cooling down and reflection.